Wanda’s Journal

Back on Track

In my recently-released novel, The Walnut Creek Wish, Rhonda and Jeff did not communicate well and were struggling with their relationship. Jeff was a collector of antiques, which was one cause of dissension between them, because his hobby was expensive. Rhonda’s job as a hotel manager had become stressful, and she sometimes took her frustrations out on Jeff.

What do you think is the biggest reason some married couples don’t get along? Is there anything a married couple can do to prevent marital problems?

When Jeff and Rhonda’s issues first started she had wanted him to go with her to see a counselor, but he’d refused. Do you think it’s possible for a couple having marital problems to resolve their issues without professional counseling? What other things might they try in order to get their marriage back on track?

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  1. I feel the biggest issue in Marriage is lack of communication . I found that people get caught up in daily routines after they have been married a little while and get lacking in speaking with their mate. Sometime we need to be reminded to take a deep look at what is going on in their life. Going on a romatic vacation or a small trip to find each othr helps. I don’t always believe that counseling is the only way to solve a marriage problem.

  2. I’ve been married over 50 years and I find a lack of communication to be the number one cause of arguments in our marriage. Just because I may think my husband may agree with me on something it doesn’t mean he will. As a couple we should make decisions together. We are team mates in this marriage.
    Jeff and Ronda didn’t pray before making decisions. Especially in the purchase of a new home. Jesus wasn’t the head of their marriage. The couple didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. There was something missing in their lives and that’s why God sent the Troyers to be their friends.

    1. I was married and divorced twice before I found my soulmate. He was disabled and I became his caretaker. He taught me so many things about how to love and be kind to others. We were together 24/7 for 15 years before I lost him to tonsillar cancer. I believe if we put God first, He will always help us to be a better husband/wife. My late husband was my best friend and my soulmate. The world is a lot emptier without him.

  3. This is my second marriage. The way for relationships to have a sold bond is to find God. Put God first in everything. If you are having difficulties, take it to God. They need to pray together as a couple. Pray to God to lead you on making decisions. They need to communicate and make decisions together. God is an on time God and it is shown here.

  4. We have been married 33 years and I think you should never go to bed mad Married couples should have respect for each other as well as your mate opinion. Communication is the best thing between married couple. If you don’t tell each other how you feel or what is bothering you then it will just build up and make both of you miserable . My husband and I openly discussed everything and respect each other space. I feel the Amish is a good example to follow for a good marriage and always remember to keep God in your marriage and Lifr.

  5. My husband and his family, originally from Germany, settled in Pennsylvania near large Amish communities. Since then, we have made friends with an Amish family in Northern Missouri. We love our conversations with them. They also have large auctions we go to and we now purchase all of our Spring and Fall flowers from the community. Love the quiet, laid-back style of their mannerisms.

  6. I’ve been married 28 years, and lack of communication seems to be a biggest hurdle. Sometimes my husband thinks I’m a mind reader, but we overcome this. God is first, and lots of praying works for us.
    I love your books!
    Kellie Otterstedt

  7. I also am in my second marriage. We have been married for 22 years. Communication as in talking about any problems you feel you are having is the key to a long and happy marriage. Never go to bed mad at each other no matter how long you have to stay up.

  8. I think first and foremost you need to make sure God is in your daily lives then love & communication is very important…never go to bed mad

  9. I’ve been married more than 29 years. I think the only way to keep a healthy marriage is with The Lord. Putting God first and then your spouse is key. Praying together and having devotions together is very important. One thing I can’t stand to hear is when people say it’s 50/50. I say it’s 100/100 and here is why; why would I only want half of my husband and why would he only want half of me. Give it your all. If you give 100% and he gives 100% then all needs are being met. Have time together to live your life as well. Don’t live to work, work to live. Keep dating and go places together alone.

  10. They don’t spend enough quality time together.My husband has beengone almost 4 yrs and I MISS BEING WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY.

  11. My husband and I have been together 45 years, raised 5 children. Have we had struggles? Of course. But having Jesus makes all the difference!

  12. As Born again Believers, we know to seek Father-God first and then Godly counseling. I know Father-God always puts people in our lives to lead us to Him. But He also gives us the choice to make to listen. I believe that is why that is why Jeff was lead to Memory Keepers. and became close to Orley. Father-God used Orley, Lois, Rhonda & Jeff’s parents to help lead them both to Him and heal their marriage. Then He blessed them with a daughter. They both accepted Jesus as their personal Savior, and they read their Bibles and prayed together. Which is something my husband & I do everyday. We put Father-God first in every thing. And have started Soul Winning! Oct 11th, we will be married 24 Blessed years!

  13. We have been married almost 55 years, since I was 19 and he was 23. I agree with others who have said putting God first is the key to a successful marriage. A very wise friend of my Daddy’s told me before I married, “Never go to bed angry”, which comes from the Bible: “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath”. That has helped us through a number of arguments. And yes, all married couples disagree at times, but by listening and talking to each other, you can work things out. No marriage is perfect because we are imperfect people, but if you love God and each other, you can have a wonderful life together.

    I love your books and love reading and learning about the Amish. Thank you for sharing with us.

  14. I have been married twice and two other Roxie relationship. They were very abusive emotional, mentally and physically. I did all I could but never got appreciated only abused. Stayed in one caused I had our son. The most important thing in a relationship is God. Got to have Him every day every hour. It’s not going to work without Him. And He is the only reason I’m still here. After I lost my one and only child 4 years ago I met a man a wonderful man. We started FaceTime dating and then got together. As we were dating he also lost his son. Both our sons were killed tragically. The deaths of our sons brought us closer cause we had something else in common. Even though I would not wish that on my worst enemy. We are now living together have been for one year six months. It’s the best relationship I have ever had. God is in out live together as well as communication honesty and trust. We are good as the young generation would say. I’m much happier even though I still mourn the lost of my son and his. So in time God will get you through and make a better way.

  15. I have been married for 17 years now. My husband and I got married right out of high school. The key to a successful happy marriage is putting God first. When you are both closer to God- you both get closer to one another. There were times in our marriage- like college- when something else was our main focus. The result- we started having more disagreements and our happiness within our marriage started declining. Thankfully, we got back on track and resolved our issues with the help of our Lord. I don’t think any married couple since the beginning of time goes through life problem free. You have to communicate, spend quality time together, trust, pray, and have have faith.

  16. After being married now for 58 years, I think we have just about faced it all. For 35 of those years my husband and I worked opposite shifts so we could care for our disabled daughter. God is truly what got us through. Our commitment to God, each other and our children has always been our first and foremost goal. Now, in retirement, we are enjoying the fruits of that commitment.

  17. When I was young ,I was very against divorce. I would not even go on a date with someone who was divorced. I am divorced now and God has shown me that I did the correct thing with my divorce. But now I know I was really being judgmental when I was in my early 20’s. I did not know why the divorce had happened. I think if both people want to work on their marriage, God can save it. God knows the heart of both and if they want it. I am now 71 and single. I would love to have that special person to share my life. Only God knows the right person and if I will find this person.

  18. I think communication is a big reason, plus be open and honest, don’t hide anything from each other and even a difference in religion can cause a rift..
    keep God at the forefront Of your lives, worship and pray together daily, !

  19. September 5th Greg & I will Celebrate 51 years of marriage!
    I used to think in very early years of our life together that the way keep your marriage solid was
    to each give 50/50 but as we matured over years we found each need give 100%.
    Not easy to do in this world but as you learn this one difficult circumstance overcome the next
    one is not as hard.
    Daily giving your life to God and each other!
    Leaving to keep liking and loving each other wether you feel like it or not.
    Putting aside emotions and following God’s plan for your life and not yours!
    God is God and all the time – “God is Good”
    Devotions together form a bond together!

  20. I was in a marriage that was not founded on Christ. The more I had my children and I focus on Christ the further apart my husband drifted from the family. So I believe that both people in a relationship need to ensure that Christ is the focal point in the relationship. After all the Lord wants us to be equally yoked. I definitely learned that the hard way, but it strenghtened my relationship with Christ. I suggested family and/or couple counseling but my husband decided against it. It wasn’t until well after my divorce that I sought counseling and learned that even if one person in a relationship seeks counseling it could possibly make the world of difference.

    There are various reasons why couples don’t get along. Finances, hobbies, different ways of parenting, infidelity, to name a few. I think that the infidelity might be the toughest to overcome.

    JOY – Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. That said, remember that you can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself.

  21. I have been married for 36 years. We have had some bad days but always work things out.
    We know we are committed to each other and will
    Always stay together.

  22. In November my husband and I will be celebrating our 50th Anniversary and I would have to say that the two biggest problems we have are lack of communication and not saying “I am sorry” when we know we hurt the other. We took a marriage class at our church about 10 years ago and the one thing that I walked away with was asking my husband when he told me something was this” this is what I heard you say, is this what you said?” and it has almost always kept us from fighting or being mad at each other. I am learning through God’s Word to say I am sorry to anyone I think I might have hurt and I’m asking God to close my mouth before I say something to hurt someone and I think that is a lesson that Rhonda and Jeff needed to learn. I just finished reading Walnut Creek and it was really good. I loved how Orley and his wife administered to Rhonda and Jeff. They listened and gave advice when asked for. The developed a true friendship.

  23. My husband and I have been married 17 years. We definitely have had our highs and lows. We havent always done everything right and we did go through a very rough patch. We didn’t seek “professional” counseling, but we did counsel with ministers from church. It wasn’t quick and it wasn’t easy. But 10 years later we are still together and looking forward to celebrating many more anniversaries.

  24. My husband of 42 years passed away in August. We had our differences during our marriage. What got us through was God first. “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger”, communication, prayer, mercy, grace & forgiveness are critical.

  25. My mother always told me that I should never go to bed angry with my partner. So what do you do if your spouse refuses to talk? The one thing our Rabbi said when we were getting married is that we are great communicators and that there isn’t anything we didn’t about each other and even though we were very different we were very much alike. We will have been married 37 years in November and even though we sometimes do go to bed angry it is forgotten by the next morning. We still are able to talk about anything and everything. When we go on car trip vacations there are rarely quiet moments we are talking the whole time. I have learned to never be too proud to say “I am sorry”. Even times when I know I am right and we get into a spat I will be the one to say “I am sorry”. Over the years my husband has gotten better at listening. There are still times I tell him something and obviously he wasn’t really listening because he says that he never knew or wasn’t aware of something. Typically it is when I have arrangements to Zoom or go out and he says that I never told him advance. I always do but he forgets and I am best not to tell him that I had mentioned this before. I let him think that I forgot to tell him and avoid a fight. He knows what I am doing but in that moment it is the right thing to do. The Rabbi who married us also said that we were great friends. I think over time in a long marriage one tends to forget that the person they married is their best friend and they can share anything with them. Maybe the “in love” heady feeling goes away but there remains a tight bond, a love for each other and a sense of security and trust knowing that the person one is with is their partner, lover but most importantly their best friend.

  26. Even though I have never been married, I experienced a wonderful example of a Godly marriage through my parents. Both knew Jesus as Savior before they were married and God was central in everything. Bible reading and prayer were a priority in our home both individually and as a family. If Dad were still living they would have celebrated 67 years of marriage last month. I am so thankful for the family that God gave me!

  27. I think God should be first in your marriage and life. Then communicate and work together. Love always will shine.

  28. when you talked about visiting with amish friends and helping i thought it was interesting and sounded like fun, it’s great you live within distance that you can do this, it’s a wonderful thing for you,since it’s not possible for some of us, the next best thing is the joys of reading all about them and the lives they lead and the faith they hold dearly etc. thank you for all you share with us.

  29. I am not married but my observations have been that if the Lord is the focus of the marriage and the family, the rest will work out.

  30. My husband and I always discuss and make decisions together. Just 2 days ago, my sister, lost her husband, who was only 61 years old. Their are 9 other siblings, and we will gathering around my sister to let her know that we are her for her in anyway. When I got the email that her husband had passed away, I found myself that night crying almost all night. He was a great man, and good father to his 2 son’s. I believe that my sister, knows she can count us to be by her side, and if she needs anything, we will help her.

  31. I have been divorced 30 years. God must always come first and you should pray before making decisions; pray about all things together. When he stopped going to church with me, then everything went wrong. Always God first and communication is the best policy, but he was never home to communicate with. Out running around, he was never a husband or father. I gave him 26 years to change his ways, but should never have stayed that long, because I not only got hurt, but so did the children. COMMUNICATE with God and your spouse!

    1. My husband and I have been married for 37 1/2 years. I Think you need to have a strong faith in God to have a good marriage and to Sustain a good marriage.

  32. I read the Walnut Creek Wish and loved it as I do all of your books.
    It is just wonderful that you get to visit the Amish in their homes
    and take part in their meals and other things. I love and admire
    them so much.

  33. Its funny that you posted this today, because my husband and I had a major fight last night. Its still not resolved. But the reason it happened in the first place is because he wasn’t honest to start with. If he’d only let me in on the truth of a situation, I’d have discovered HIS side of things before a third party apprised me of what was going on. He has a hard time admitting to mistakes. I’m not perfect, I handled it VERY badly, but the truth remains that if I’d heard his side of the story before the other person’s, we could have dealt with this sooner and more calmly, and that’s why I say HONESTY is the key to a lasting relationship. When your spouse discovers your dishonesty, it makes them afraid to trust you. Without trust, what have you got?

  34. My husband and I have been married for 23 years. Our church recently offered the Love and Respect class. We knew God made us different but this class reminded us why God made us different and how He expects us to deal with those differences. Every dating couple should take this class and take it again a year or so into the marriage. It is Biblically based. We need to pray for our marriages. Satan is out to destroy each and every one.
    The Hawaiian series is one of my favorites!
    Thank you for this ministry. It’s such a blessing to hear from you each month and ladies can share their thoughts and burdens. We know God is in control.

  35. I am a new fan of your books! I have just finished reading The Crow’s Call and enjoyed it very much and am very interested in reading more of your books. I am a new subscriber to your newsletter and want to enter the September contest which features the Amish Hawaiian Adventures. Thank you very much for this opportunity! Your books are quality Christian literature, displaying the struggles that the Amish people endure just like the rest of the people of the world, yet they have a firm foundation from their faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and his precious Son, Jesus.

  36. I have been married 40 years. Marriage is a relationship that requires 3 cords. Each spouse and the Lord. Without the Lords help and much prayer each and every day it usually won’t work for long without a bump in the road. I experienced a very difficult situation 8 years ago. With God’s help, much prayer, spending time in HIS WORD, and prayers from our Christian friends we were able to get through it and are closer now than before. I give God all the glory for it. After counseling, He healed my heart for the better and I was able to forgive my husband. Communication is essential. Always remember to tell each other how much you love them and appreciate them.

  37. Dear Wanda
    I enjoy reading the monthly newsletter every month. I just got done with the walnut creeWalnut Creek book. I actually listened to it on audio. Every time one of your books come out I always request it so it can be in the library. It was a great story as always. (I knew those parents were going to get married LOL )For those who are married or those who are getting married. You always touch on such important topics. You always bring the Lord and everything you do which is greatly appreciated. I pray for you and your family stay safe thank you for all you do we are blessed by your books. Yvonne

  38. My and I have been in the ministry for 39 years together. We have definiteky had our bad times. I know it had to be only by the grace of God we stayed together during some of those times. I believe God has to come first in our marriages. We need to seek His face everyday. There are godly counselors we can talk to, books, and seminars. We need to have other godly couples to help us and pray with us through the good and bad times.
    I love,what Suzanne about the devil. He knows his time is short and he is trying to destroy every Christian home.
    I love your books and want to read The Hawaiian Series.

  39. Think pink and blue! Men and women don’t think alike most of the time. When I want affection from my husband in the form of a touch to him that’s not most important he likes words of affirmation. . Remembering what he likes and doing that for him and visa versus is key. Humans are selfish by nature and we have to train ourselves to think of others. Love is a choice!!!

  40. Firstly, marriage is a covenant between husband and wife and God. It is permanent until death parts one of the humans in that covenant. Not to be entered into lightly. I believe too many folks, in today’s fast-food genre, assume marriage is easy and is disposable. Remembering it is neither is the first step. We need to encourage waiting for intimacy, rather than looking for someone to fix it fast. Taking the time to build best friendship first is key, and even then marriage is still hard work. One time, when I was grumbling in my spirit, it seemed like I heard the Lord say, “What do you think he would say about you?” Brought me up by my bootstraps, and changed my heart about the grumbling I had been doing. And remember, love and anger are just a whit apart! Reaching out in kindness and gentleness is never wrong, and can go a long way toward healing a broken spirit. Finally, it is the same as the beginning: remembering there are the two of you and God in this marriage. Talk to God as His friend, tell Him all your heartaches and woes, and be willing to take the first step toward change.

  41. I have been married for over 40 years, and I can truthfully say we don’t have any major problems. But I think the cause of many marriage problems is mon ey. One likes to be frugal, the other likes to spend. I think this can be resolved without therapy. They have to sit down together to discuss the problem respectfully, and perhaps come up with a budget. There will probably be give and take, but I think they can come to a middle ground.

  42. My husband, Tim, and I recently spent a few days in Bird-in-Hand, PA to celebrate our 49th anniversary. We saw 2 shows at their theater and Queen Esther at the Sight and Sound Theater. All the shows were excellent. We try to visit this area twice a year, once in August for our anniversary and again in November for my birthday to see the Christmas shows. I’m always amazed at how peaceful and relaxing you feel. It’s nice to enjoy a slower pace of life for a few days. I have read and enjoyed many of your books and met you at the Bird-in-Hand Restaurant when we saw the play Stolen and you autographed some books I bought.
    May God continue to bless you and your family.
    Linda Breslin
    6662 Leah Dr.
    Slatington, PA 18080

  43. I find lack of communication is the worst thing for a
    Marriage….The best thing is prayers and staying close to God…

  44. Hi, I was separated for 3 years; and divorced in
    February 2020. My ex went through a mid life
    crisis, mental breakdown and retired from his job
    at 55. He said the stress was too much. I am 8 years
    older than him… He told me we weren’t happy. I
    tried to get him to do marriage counseling. Nope, no
    Thanks, Cindi

  45. Going to a marriage counselor will be beneficial only if both parties are willing to go. If one is a hard head through and through where they think their opinion is all that matters, it surely will not work. Counseling works for some, not for others.
    Look forward to reading the Creektown Series. Love all you books!

  46. Prayer can help, speaking with mentor couples may help, and if your spouse refuses counseling, you can still attend counseling alone.

  47. We have been married 58 years….communication and understanding each others needs. Giving space when needed…encouraging each other…it is a tough but very rewarding task.

  48. I’ve been married 30 years. Communication is key. You will not always agree on things, so there has to be room for compromise. It can’t always be one person’s way. In some cases, counseling is not necessary if the lines of communication are open. You also may have a trusted person that can be an intermediary if the lines of communication break down. I am fortunate to be married to a man that gives me my space to do things without always feeling the need to be with me doing everything 24/7. Sometimes space is a good thing to allow one another to do the things that make them happy and respect that.

  49. My Husband and I had been married 35 years when he suddenly passed away from a massive heart attack! We always communicated and always put God first in our lives! Please enter me in your contest as I Love reading your books! Blessings To You!

  50. Yes, I think it’s possible for married couples to get back on track without professional counseling, if both are willing to be nice to each other, and not pick at each other, give up that prideful attitude, and learn, BOTH LEARN, how to apologize when they start a fight. If the spouse isn’t born again, that is a huge problem, or if the spouse is born again, but they’re being worldly and rebellious, that’s a cause for fights in marriages.
    Thank you for this giveaway, God bless you, I hope I win something sometime.

  51. I think the biggest reason married couples don’t get along is different values. Talking about values prior to getting married is very important. If a couple sat down and talked with each other openly and honestly, perhaps along with their priest, they may not need to get professional counseling.

  52. I love all your books. The Prayer Jars Trilogy was the best ever !!! I cannot wait to read it again. I loved all the stories and could not put them down until each story was done. Great writing. Thank you very much. I really enjoyed them a lot.

  53. I think it is possible to overcome difficulties in a marriage without counseling depending on the individual. They could talk open and honestly and each without criticism can bear their grievances

  54. I love reading about your trips to the Amish Countries. I so want to visit one someday and be a guest at their home. I’ve always loved the Amish. Thank you so much for what you do.

  55. We have been married 49 years this month and I think the most important thing is to respect the other person and it really does need to be 50/50 but it doesn’t happen that way.Remember to say “I love you everyday!”Don’t go to bed angry!

  56. Absolutely, God can do much more than a professional! Sometimes, professional help leads to more heartache that lingers on and on……….

  57. I just recently celebrated my 27th anniversary. I’m no expert on marriage by any stretch but I think a lack of communication and a lack of forgiveness is the root of a lot of marriage problems. Without these there is a lot of misunderstanding and a lot of grudges being held.

  58. I think putting God first, your husband and family next is key in any marriage. Communication is vital in a good marriage. I pray everyday for God to help me watch my tongue.

  59. I think couples have to recognize when there is a problemand I think they both have to want things to get better. They both have to be willing to give and not be selfish. I believe God can always help work things out. With Him all things are possible. Without Him, not so much. If both parties are really wanting things to work out a counselor can help but I think it needs to be a Christian counselor because I believe it takes the two people with God at the head.

  60. I gave been married and divorced and from what I experienced is proper communication, respecting other’s differences to be crucial. It is also important to talk things over ahead of marriage, what to expect from each other likes and dislikes and so on.
    I have found and new man that really see the importance in communications and we are to get married eventually.

  61. I think sometime we only see things from our point of view or have unrealistic expectations. Life can be hard, we continually grow and change. You have to remember why you first fell in love. I have been married 30 years, not every day is easy but every day is worth it. I think some couples may need counseling but I believe some can get through it without. Good communication is the key, with honesty and love. Keep your eyes on God!

  62. A good marriage must be based on God and HIs word. Even before we got married, we had devotions together at night whenever we got to see each other. We have to respect each other and be willing to talk things through seeking what God’s will is. In December we will have been married 47 years. There have been some rough years, but God has seen us through them all. Looking forward to what our future holds together.

  63. A couple can only make it when God is the center of the marriage and lives. Jeff and Rhonda struggles at first because they did not turn to God.

  64. Marriage is a Godly institution so when there are problems, I believe it is good to seek Godly counsel if you are both Christians. If not Christians, then seek out professional counseling. Some is better than none and just hoping things will get better.
    Time spent together is very important in a relationship, so couples should plan to spend time with one another . Just like you would plan a meal, or a trip, you should look at your schedules and see where you can find the free time to invest in the relationship.
    My husband and I were married 28 and one-half years but in 2014 he went home to be with the Lord and I miss those times we spent talking, riding around, going to events or just going to the park. Invest the time now because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

  65. Dear Wanda,
    I love reading from you, and the answer to this “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend a day in an Amish home?” is a resounding YES. I have been reading Amish books for the past 12 years and have never been disappointed I have almost everything you have written.

  66. I so love reading your books!!! My favorite books to read are Amish stories as they remind of my childhood. I am not Amish but Pennsylvania Dutch and we grew up doing chores, gardening, canning, freezing and best of all we were very active in our church. Thank you for giving us these wonderful, wholesome stories!!!

  67. We have been married for almost 58 years this September! Wow!! It is a long time but we have both learned a lot during all of this time. The older we get, the faster the time goes for us so we now view each day as a gift from God. We both have a terminal illness so we have many limitations compared to the way we used to feel. We still go out to eat sometimes and he still enjoys my homemade big
    dinners and we had one today. We have both found that if we keep the Lord the focus or center of
    our lives continually, we get along so much better. However, if we do not always keep Him first in our lives, then things are so much different. We both love the Lord and I feel I owe Him my life.
    He has done so much for me and for our children. We have two adult children and six grandchildren with one great granddaughter! What blessings they are to us both. May
    God bless you all and I have enjoyed reading your comments as I always do.

  68. Putting the Lord first in a marriage, reading the word together and praying together are very important. Communication is very important! Don’t let resentment grow and make you bitter toward each other. Confess your sins to one another and forgive each other.

  69. Lack of communication and taking each other for granted can have a big effect on a relationship. Talking things over and lots of praying will help. With God all things are possible.

  70. I think the main reason married people don’t get along is because they don’t take the time to communicate and to be present to each other. Many get caught up in the busyness of life: jobs with long hours, rearing children, and social commitments. Married couples have to make the effort take time for each other. This is not easy to do in our day-to-day lives.
    Professional counseling, either with a marriage counselor or clergyman, can help. Praying together is also important to foster a loving relationship. Forgiveness of each other’s faults or shortcomings is so important too.

  71. I have been married over 21 years and I believe the biggest issue that couples face these days is lack of communication. Couples should not assume that their spouse can read their mind. They need to communicate their needs or issues clearly and decide together how best to deal with it together.

  72. I have been married for 36 years and I believe one of the biggest issues today in marriages is putting self before spouse. There needs to be 2 servant hearts in a marriage.

  73. My husband and I have known each other for 50 years! We started dating dating 21 years ago after both being divorced. We have now been married for 18 years! Yes we have ups and downs but don’t give up on each other! Because with God and family our blended family is very happy!

  74. I think having a servant heart and open communications are a couple of the most important things for a good relationship.

  75. Communication, communication! I think is the answer. Sometimes I forget my own words but when we do it’s so much better. Will be 57 years in December since we got married!

  76. Communication. It may sound cliche but true communication does wonders. When my husband and I are out of sync that’s when we’re most likely to have misunderstandings.

    As for counseling, I think it can help any marriage. You spend time on what you value.

  77. I grew up in an Amish community………..went to school with them. I love your books and others that write about Amish situations…I believe communication is very important in a marriage. (even if it hurts) Thank you for sharing your talent………..keep it up!!

  78. Communication is the number one thing that needs to happen in a marriage. Sometimes it is hard but it will solve a lot of problems is the other partner knows exactly what you think and feel.

  79. Communication, honest communication, empathy and personal insight are truly important. I also feel you need to have entered into your marriage with faith and the deep abiding belief that marriage is a true covenant and for life. After 30 years of marriage and a cancer fight on my part that resulted in many changes to my body, we found ourselves existing, loving each other but not emotionally close. We had to have many very open, sometimes panful discussions being willing to ‘hear’ what the other was saying and put the work in to regrow the closeness of our marriage, friendship and love. Happily we made it through and still make the effort to put us first.

  80. Communication is a huge problems in marriages. We are so bombarded with technology and being over scheduled that the communication barrier is established. People can try reading books, blogs, watching documentaries to try to help if they do not want to go to therapy or if they can not afford therapy. I am hesitant on going to the church for help with issues as what i have experienced is the church always wants something in return- usually money that ends up being more than therapy through insurance. Keeping the lines of communication open in your marriage can help a lot. Marriage is the hardest relationship to keep.

  81. After 43 years of marriage I got a divorce. However, my ex-husband had several life threatening events and I have been his caregiver, living in the same residence with him. I found our relationship did not survive because as hard as I tried, he did not seem to care. Even when the divorce papers were handed to him, he did not read them, he just signed them… We talked but we did not communicate. He was so sure he was right not matter what that I did not have a voice in any of our life.

  82. Some times we must travel in a quiet time,
    Separate, with each a different path. So we can grow,and connect. We have taken to our heart the world’s way to self find ,self fix and want a closure fast. The delicate balance to be quiet ,and wait. So the one My husband loved the most came ,and he know longer lives with me. And this is fine, oh I was broken, my heart is still fragile. I had a lesson to live and now another path, Only the Father can direct. So my present with the lord has drawn me close. I found no reason to draw a trained of this world, to what the instructions of the word. That quiet small time, in the span of eternity. Phillip went in to time out with the Lord,2-13-21 blessings Linda g

  83. Love your books. Would like to see recipe for Creamed Celery that is served at weddings. My husband will be married 58 years in February 2022; and yes God has to be ever present in marriage & communication is next big help to enjoying a long life serving God & loving each other.

  84. Thank you for sharing some recipes in your newsletter. Respectfully may I request that you include “serves __”. Sometimes I can guess from the ingredients that the recipe is good for potlucks (enough for your family plus one) at church. Other times I’m looking for recipes for two or three or four. I’d like to know before I start that I need to reduce the recipe by half or other.

  85. I think the biggest reason that couples don’t get along is secrets and communication. Couples need to be truthful with each other no matter if it hurts and take the time to sit and really listen when the other one is talking. Better to hear what the painful thing is from there spouse then somebody else. Getting away on a trip to renew your love is great . It could be impossible with todays work schedules. If a couple communications from the start like they did when they where courting and keep communicating after they are married this is one way to prevent the biggest martial problems. Some couples may be able to resolve there own martial problems. But must couples need to talk to a counselor or someone they trust.to talk to. I would say taking time for each other like a date night when a trip is out of reach. Could really help the marriage.

  86. I think that married couples often forget how to communicate, or they have gotten so used to not talking. We often get so wrapped up in our own responsibilities that if there is a problem, then we just ignore it and hope it will go away. Many times, we think too, that if we say something it might hurt the other person, or they will get defensive. Boy, how challenging marriage can be, but oh so lovely it can be too. Be equally yoked, and seek God in everything.
    have a blessed day!!