Trust
In my recently released novel, Letters of Trust, Eleanor had a hard time trusting her husband, Vic, because of the lies and excuses he had told her concerning his addiction to alcohol. Eleanor’s first attempt at trying to help Vic was when she went to see their bishop and received counseling from him and his wife. This step gave her the courage to reach out to an organization that might help Eleanor, as well as her husband.
What are some ways a married couple can communicate their feelings without arguing or hurting someone’s feelings? Is it possible for a couple, whose marriage is in trouble, to learn how to trust each other again?
While we may not be able to trust every person we met, the Bible tells us that there is One in whom we can always put our trust. “Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.” Proverbs 30:5 (NKJV). Isn’t it good to know that God is like a shield to us, and we can put our trust in Him with every detail of our lives?
It is possible for trust to be gained again if the married couple learns to trust in God. They need to give the problems at hand to God. Each person needs to think before they speak and talk through difficult situations.
If both are willing to put in whatever it takes and hand it over to God yes all things are possible!
Being open and honest with each other. Also believing that God is always there to help, just ask. It would be a hard one.
Right from the first days of our marriage, my husband and I have talked about everything from daily issues, to dreams, and plans. If couples talk to each other, they can avoid arguments.
Couples can make it thru anything.
1.Remember God is always with you.
2 Remember the reason/ things why you fell in Love with your spouse.
3. Remember no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and learn from them.
4. Make your marriage a priority. Be there and support each other. Don’t let friends or family come between you.
5. TRUST IN GOD and Each other.
It can be very difficult to communicate when hurt and feelings get in the way. Sometimes it helps to find a pastor or trusted friend to meet with you as a facilitator in the process.
You just have to trust in the Lord.He will bring you through.
Instead of arguing or hurting someone’s feelings both parties need to walk away calm down then come back and sit down and talk whatever is out. As long as the married couple remembers that there are 3 people in their marriage, they should be able to get through anything. ( When I say 3 people I am talking about God, husband, and wife) Without God there is nothing.
When times get rough for me and mine we put it in God’s hands and wait to see what he wants us to do. God always sends a sign!!
God is faithful and he will bring us through the storms of life.We need to trust him and his word.
I’m interested in your book kentucky brothers I am a native of Kentucky so I will enjoy reading this book with a kentucky backdrop I enjoy all your books I give them to friends when I’m through reading them and now rhey enjoy them as well thank you ella culp
Sometimes it helps to have a pastor, counselor or trusted friend meet with you as a facilitator for the process of dealing with communicating strong feelings and differences of opinion.
Wanda, I am reading your book now. Praying for your daughter and family.
Yes,it is possible to trust again. It might take awhile. I believe that if couples can talk about their differences and be honest with each other that trust will come again. I also pray to God for help, because I have faith that He will help me and I put my trust in Him.
I have been married 50 years….I SAY communication, truth…..being honest….loyal …. talking with your spouse, first….is the best way…yet sometimes people may need counseling…or talking with a reliable….loyal…not gossipy or judgmental family member or friend …one that can step away and give sound advice…not because they like one or the other of “you” better….Something, like alcoholism or drug addiction…and “other things” are over our heads to work on….counsel, even our spouse with….If you really WANT to work on your marriage and bring it to a loving relationship again…..you need to REALLY WANT that….and work on it…
and I am not saying I am an expert so please dont judge me as that…..just “been thru….and seen” alot….
Hi Wanda,
i think we can communicate better by keeping our voices lowered, staying away from exaggerations and being good listeners. listening seems to be lost in so many relationships. learning to trust depends, i believe, in part, on the individual, the circumstances, as well as looking at how close a relationship each person truly has with Jesus. lost trust can be difficult to regain; but certainly not impossible. yes, God is our shield; and it is so comforting to know we can trust Him with everything, and in everything. He is THE ONE we need to listen more to…….He speaks to our hearts and brings truth and wisdom. His love, His perfect love, fails not.
Have a wonderful day, Wanda! Judi
If a couple learns to trust God completely, then yes they can learn to trust each other again after they’ve lost trust in each other.
Hello Wanda! I love reading your books. I just finished reading Letters of trust. I grew up with my Father drinking so I could definitely relate to this book. I would love my name to be placed in the book drawing . Thank you! Pam
Your books are Wonderful! I really enjoy reading about the Amish
I believe it really depends on the situation. Once trust is broken it is very hard to trust again. It can happen with lots of communication and understanding. Especially when you bring the Heavenly Father into the mix .
It’s great to sit outside reading your books when the nice spring weather comes and enjoy the beauty of the spring flowers and trees.
They can definitely trust each other again. It would take time and with God’s help. If I was her I would pray for my husband but also myself that my heart would be softed and that I would be able to look past the sin to who my husband really is.
We’re human and mistakes will be made. For a marriage to work. God must be in it from the start.
I think some ways that a couple can communicate is to read the Bible together. Pray together and trust in God together. I think that a marriage that is in trouble can be fixed by communicating but most importantly serving God together. A marriage is always better when God is put first.
I believe that if you both give all your troubles to God together and work on your Love through God’s guidance you can save your marriage if that is in God’s plan for you.
Thank you for all your wonderful faith filled books.
I truly believe it is possible as long as GOD is a part of the equation and both parties are open and willing. LOVE that is developed with HIS guidance will always find a way…
If a couple believes that their relationship can be repaired and they both take the steps in doing so, then maybe yes they can salvage their trust in each other with time as this task is not an easy fix. Having God in their corner, faith in him, and prayers will help the couple also.
Trust is vital in any relationship and I have seen the tragic results in family members when that is broken, and homes are shattered.
Having grown up with a alcoholic father and knowing how difficult it is I am thankful that you are sharing how this effects everyone of any beliefs.
Addiction does not pick and choose.
I was always better at writing down my feelings than trying to express them verbally. In our earlier years of marriage I would write letters to my husband. Sometimes it would help, sometimes not. We’ve been married almost 42 years and these days what would have irritated me back then I find is not worth a “titildy boo”.
If place God first in your life and put him first in your marriage it willl help with the problems they have.
It is possible to learn to trust again if both work hard at it. One can’t do all the work. It takes a real effort and work, but you can do it if the love is there.
If we put it in God’s hands and pray we will be better.
With God all things are possible. Phil 4:13
With trust in God we can achieve a lot that would not be possible without him in our lives. I had a horrible first marriage & prayed for God to lead me as to if I should divorce. My infant & I were abused by my ex. I didn’t feel my son would ever be safe around him. My counselor asked me how I survived, God that is the ONLY way.
My favorite Scripture that reminds me I can trust in God completely is Proverbs 3:5-6. It says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.
Go for a walk and talk about your day, and talk about what’s troubling you.
I ordered Letters of Trust. Have not read it yet but I am looking forward to it.
Married couples can communicate their feelings by action, words ( if not hurtful) and deeds. Trusting in God and knowing the power of pray is always a good thing for any marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost 39 years and God is and always has been the center of our marriage.
Going to God in prayer is the first thing a person can do when there is a problem in your marriage. Then seek help whether with your Pastor or something else.
I love reading your books. They are hard to put down once you start a new one.
You are so very correct. I do not know what I would do without God’s guidance and love. I often forget to rely on him but he brings me back quickly. He accepts me with open, loving arms and a gentle spirit. Our fast-paced society encourages me to take care of things quickly and not wait for guidance. While all the time, guidance is what I need and what God is trying to show me. Taking time to stop and listen to him brings a wonderful, calming, and much more peaceful life. Trusting him to walk with us daily and in every situation brings peace beyond all understanding.
I believe there is always good options when you are mad at your spouse. You can reach out to God, sit down and discuss the issue with your husband calmly, have a neutral person help you and do so with an open heart and mine.
A married couple could have a counselor or priest/pastor help if they are having problems communicating. There are also some wonderful online resources available. It is absolutely possible for married couples to learn how to trust again. It’s important to read the Bible to see what God says about trusting someone, forgiving someone, and how we are expected to treat our spouse.
It isn’t possible if the one who broke that trust doesn’t want to fix it. Both people have to want to fix things. If one of them can’t or won’t even try, it’s not possible.
It is not easy to always trust, but I know my husband loves me and I love him. I remind myself of how much I do love him even if I am upset with him, and after all these years of marriage, 44 in June if the Lord allows. I also remind myself of all he has done for me. He is fallible, as I am but he still brings me joy and we both do small things for each other to show our tenderness with one another. This week he dug up wild iris’ out of an old ditch line near a high mountain road. The old farmhouse is long gone and they have drifted next to the road bed. They are not on private property. But for all these years he has dug wildflowers for me to enjoy, and he is still doing that. I played him oldies rock and roll on my phone, because he likes it and we went rolling down the road singing along with the music. God has held us together all these years.
Ann Austin
scrappalachia@gmail.com
I just love your books, i have read a lot of them now I am working on some of your newer one, I just get what ever books my library has.
First, make sure you don’t marry a narcissist….
Talking through the difficulties helps and staying close to God in all their communications. Trust is difficult once it has been broken. It takes, love, forgiveness and lots of patience.
Once trust is broken, it’s extremely hard to earn back. But not impossible. It takes time and a willingness to spend the time to repair.
It does take both parties to be willing to fix the relationship.
A married couple should always be open to each other and not hide things. They should always be open and honest with each other, which isn’t always easy. Even if the marriage is in a troubled situation, I believe it can be made good by always being there for each other, even when times are tough.
Lead by example even in marriage. If you don’t want to argue then don’t start an argument. I was married to my husband 39 1/2 years before he passed away. One thing we did not do is argue, we both would walk away before we argued about something.
I respected his feelings and ideas and he respected mine.
After being widowed for 7 1/2 years I started talking to someone. We do not argue either. It is a loving relationship with respect for each other.
I think trust can be regained between a couple if both parties are willing to make the effort necessary and for there to be open communication. Having God as a central focus of their lives will make the task much easier. I think calmly talking to share feelings is best, but when feelings and tensions are high, another choice could be writing letters to each other or having a pastor or trusted friend help moderate and keep conversations focused in the right direction are also possibilities if the couple is open to that.
To be open and honest with each other and trust in God. Time heals
Complete trust is complete faith. To develop complete trust takes dedication, time, and proving. As all married folk do, some years are more challenging than others. We get distracted and we take our focus off of our marriage and each other. We partnered with like minded friends in an in depth, deep dive into the heart of our spouse….to know ourselves, our motives, and our spouses deeper than ever before. It calls for our very best, sacrifice, time, open mind, and desire to know the most intimate corners of one another. Even after 30 yrs, I am learning things I never knew about myself and my husband. It has been the best thing we have ever done for ourselves and our marriage.
Yes I think they can trust each other again
With God there is always promise of healing in a marriage or friendship.
Just purchased this new book and anxiously waiting to read it as I don’t start a series till I have a complete set. Have a feeling this story may hit home as I had alcoholism affect a few family members. Not an easy disease to deal with. Thank you for your fantastic books. God Bless and continued prayers for your daughter.
Some couples can learn to trust each other again. They both have to want to do it enough to at least try.
The can sit down with no distractions around them th discuss their problems and try to resolve them in a calm manner.
I believe if a couple faithfully love eachother and have faith in God, all things are possible. But both people in the relationship must give it 100%. Forgiveness, Faith and Love are 3 very important bases of every relationship.
It is good to know that God will cover us and we can put our trust always in Him.
I am praying for your daughter and family for healing and knowing our God is powerful. I love reading your books they give me peace.
Stay level headed and talk things through with your spouse. Pray to God and your prayers shall be heard.
Love your books and news letters!
sometimes I wait a bit to talk to my husband until I know I can stay calm. I often seek advice from my best of friends to assure I am on the right track. I always give my problems to Jesus, and wait and watch for an answer.
I think it is possible but also very hard. They have to completely become devoted to each other again and gain the trust of the other. I don’t think it is an easy process, but certainly one that could be worthwhile.
Sometimes putting things down in words is easier because you can think about what you want to say instead of blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. Regaining trust is possible, but only with a lot of work & the help of God. Losing trust is usually a very quick process, and regaining it is a very long, slow process.
For my husband and myself our marriage together is both our second marriages. Before we were married we talked about everything. We talked about our past marriages and what went wrong. We talked how we had to always make sure that God would always guide our marriage in every decision. As long as we as a married couple trusted God in everything then the foundation of our marriage was solid. It has become stronger each year.
Learning to communicate with a spouse can be one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome in a marriage. If both will sincerely put their trust in God, He can heal their hearts and help them. And both will need to remember that it sometimes takes time to reestablish trust. God’s arms are certainly big enough to hold us when we trust Him.
Wanda, I’m hoping that your daughter is doing well. Love and prayers.
Communication is the key. You need to be able to talk to each other. And Prayer. Pray for forgiveness. All things are possible with God.
When communicating it is important to keep our hearts soft & do it from a place of love, remembering 1 Cor 13:4-8, the verses that speak about unconditional love. Also to “do everything in love”, 1 Cor 16:14. We can pray first before saying anything or for discernment in addressing an issue. God can help broken trust to be rebuilt by us praying for both ourselves & our spouses hearts, by us keeping our eyes on God, & by continuing to put our trust in Him.
This sounds like a book I want to read. I have read a lot of your books. I met you at a play based on one of your books. You were so nice to talk to me and my friends. We got signed books after the play. I pray you keep writing!!
Praying before making any decisions is a key to starting to trust your spouse again. Counseling, retreats, heart-to-heart talks…all good ways to work out feelings.
All things are possible with the help of the Lord!!! God is able to mend and restore
Transparency and being truthful are necessary for rebuilding trust.
Loved this book , true love can over come with God by ur side , faith n trust are very important and love in a relationship
If the married couple learns to trust God, then it is possible for them to regain each other’s trust. They should talk through their problems with each other and give their problems to God.
They can sit down and talk about the subject although some people have an explosive temper and there is no way that can happen so in that cause I would just not say a word and let them get over their rage. That is the better way also not adding fuel to the fire I think it would be hard to trust the other person as once you loose that trust it is so hard to get it back ….
I believe nothing is impossible with God. God is the key. He is the One we must glue ourselves to when things go south. When someone betrays, it’s extremely difficult to trust again, yet not impossible when God heals your heart.
I firmly believe having a God-centered marriage there is always hope for the marriage to heal and for the couple will find a new love for each other and see each other with Jesus’ eyes. It isn’t easy, but if one continues to stay in prayer and seeks the Lord then God will bring healing to that marriage.
Love of God and family can work out many problems! Sharing your faith with each other has everlasting blessings.
God breathed life into bones, He can breathe live back into any marriage where both are willing to work on it.
Eleanor was very fortunate to have such a very special friend who could write back to her and give her advice on things going on in Eleanor’s life. We all need such a special friend. Eleanor was also fortunate to be able to talk to the Bishop and his wife. She was able to get further information from them. We should all be so lucky. The book was very well written and very informative. Can’t wait until book 2 comes out. Trusting that God will take care of us when we ask is so important.
Both my wife and I struggle to communicate our feelings without arguing or hurting each other, especially name-calling. One thing that can be helpful when feeling emotionally overloaded is to take a “time out”. Our terrific marriage counselor says once you reach 5/10 emotionally, you no longer can communicate rationally, so it’s up to you to get below that level first.
Others may disagree, but imho saying either “You (I) don’t love me (you) anymore” or “You don’t make me happy any longer” is a cop-out. Love is a commitment, not just feelings. And no one has the responsibility to MAKE you feel happy. (Now, bad behavior CAN certainly cause UNhappiness…)
I would also say it is absolutely possible to reestablish trust. One idea there is gratitudes. If you share those with each other, it can help rebuild trust.
The theme of your latest book addresses one of the toughest (imho) issues a couple can face. Substance abuse eliminates the ability to take full responsibility for your own emotions and actions.
Communication and trust…two biggies in a healthy marriage. And two things that can often be strained by going through hard times. I think one way that a married couple can communicate without arguing or hurting the other person’s feelings is by putting that person first. That doesn’t mean ignoring your own feelings over theirs, but putting yourself in a position of service, rather than in a position of needing to ‘get something’ out of the exchange. By trying to see things through their eyes, you just may have your own eyes opened. And if each party does this — all the better!! Can trust ever be regained? Of course!! But the person who has been ‘wronged’ has to be willing to forgive and move on. Also, the person who was ‘in the wrong’ has to be able to forgive themselves. Sometimes easier said than done.
I’ve had to confront my husband about things that could potentially cause huge problems and hurt feelings. I’ve always tried to use a gentle tone, not accusing, but simply sharing what I’ve observed and changes I’d like to see. I also do a lot of praying asking for God’s grace and wisdom before I’ve had to have difficult conversations. By the grace of God, he’s been open to what could have been considered criticism because he felt I told him the truth in love. I’m not always successful in this, though. Sometimes my flesh and feeling of irritation get in the way and I make a bigger mess, but God is gracious and my husband is forgiving.
I firmly believe in open and honest communication. With vulnerability, it leads to transparency and transformation in relationship. Anything is possible with God and trust can be rebuilt.
I just finished reading the greenhouse mystery series. I will admit that, along with Henry, I had a short list of suspects, however, the perpetrator was not on my list. I really enjoyed this reading this series.
I haven’t read this book yet,but I agree with you we can always put our trust inGod. And Proverbs 30;5 is so so true.God bless.