In my novel, Letters of Trust, Eleanor’s parents had some reservations about her marrying Vic. They’d heard rumors about some of the things he’d been involved with before he joined the church, and were worried that his old habits might resurface.
My husband and I recently celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary, and my thoughts went back to the day we announced to my parents our intention to get married. They weren’t happy about it—not because they’d heard any rumors about Richard’s actions before he’d become a Christian. They were concerned because Richard and I had only known each other a few months. Both my parents and Richard’s parents said that our marriage probably wouldn’t last. We proved them wrong, but it wasn’t because we were trying to make a point. We honestly loved each other, and the most important thing that has kept us together all these years is our commitment to God, and to each other.
Do you think there is ever a time when a parent should speak up or intervene when their grown child wants to marry someone of whom they disapprove? Should the couple marry anyway, in spite of their parents’ disapproval? How can a situation like this be handled in such a way that no one’s feelings are hurt?
I think a parent should speak up if they have a concern. Each situation is different. Some like in your situation was just worried, but they could be concern for safety situations. I think the approach is the most important thing and how it is handled.
I was also married to my husband after knowing him just a few months, and we just had our 20th wedding anniversary last December. A parent can always give their thoughts and feelings, but shouldn’t expect a grown child to follow them all the time. If you are truly in love, no reason not to get married.
Love to hear about your marriage. We also just knew each other for 4 months before getting engaged, 4 months later we were married…. Almost 47 years ago.
Sure enjoy your books and your husband’s photos.
I think as long it’s they express their concerns in respectful manner then it’s OK but ultimately its still their child’s life so they have to trust they know what they are doing.
As a parent of grown married children this is one issue I never had to deal with. As a parent at some point you have to let your children make their own decisions as hard as that is.
At one point, my daughter told us she was going to marry a man she was seeing. We knew he was not a good match for her, and we told her this. We told her the reasons. She insisted she was marrying him. I prayed fervently about this, asking God for guidance, but always ending by saying that of course what I truly wanted was God’s will. One day I talked with her about one of our reservations, but then told her maybe I was being old fashioned and it would work between them. She broke up with him shortly after that. I feel that a gentler approach, and not acting like I knew everything, was what worked. She ended up marrying a wonderful man and has been happily married for ten years. God is truly wonderful.
We also didn’t know each other very long before marrying, but we wouldn’t have listened to anyone who told us to wait!
I feel that as parents if there is a reason such as abuse (physical/mental) before the marriage then we need to speak up and voice our concerns. However, not being happy about our sons/daughters choice then as parents we need to let our grown children decide.
I have adult children (and minor children too). For me personally I feel that I have no say in their choices. I let them know my feelings on situations/topics- but ultimately it’s their life & relationship. Love is love- my children can marry whomever they want.
Thank you so much for sharing the Amish world through your stories!!
My family and his family was the same way when we said that we were getting married and they said it would never last, 25 years later we are still together and he is the greatest blessing from the Lord. I think if there is a serious concern then the parents and child should discuss it and pray about it, but sometimes there is no other recourse but to pray and leave it in Gods Mighty Hands. I am mightly blesses that God brought me and my husband together. We like you have stood the test of time and have always been there for each other and relied heavily on Gods and each other. Love and blessings to you Ms Wanda and your husband.
We had a very similar situation with one of our children. The kids had only known each other for a few months. We asked them to take a little more time but they were adamant that they marry so we put all of our energy into loving them and supporting them. A little over a year later they started a family and we now have an adorable grandson and another on the way. The kids love each other and enjoy their lives together. We kept the lines of communication open and let them know that while the road may get bumpy we are always there to lean on.
I love your books and was at our local library to check out some of your latest. Also I am praying for your daughter as I know that her recovery will take time. My daughter-in-law also had a tumor in her heart which required open heart surgery, so I know just the surgery alone will have some difficult struggles during the recovery process and added to this is the stroke. Prayers for you also as you see her struggles.
I think it would be Okay to kindly state concerns that might be significant but ultimately the decision should be theirs. But always try to support their decisions once they are made to avoid friction.
Well I have been in that exact situation with my son. I prayed about it and gave it to the Lord and thank the Lord he did not marry the lady. He is now engaged to a wonderful young lady and they are getting married in June and I am very pleased. I let him see the issues with the previous person and praise God that He opened his eyes in this situation. Not easy as a mom when you know it is not right. Continued prayers for your daughter and the whole family as she is on her healing journey. God is Good!!!
First- Happy Anniversary! Praying for your daughter and all.
My parents fully approved of my choice even though he had been married and divorced. We’ve now been married almost 41 years. Our two kids made wonderful choices in their mates.
It’s what is in your heart that matters. There are so many reasons parents won’t give their blessing for a marriage. But it is how you and your fiance truly feel about each other, knowing that whatever lies in your path, you can weather it together with love, patience and endurance.
I think there may be times a parent can discuss their concerns for their child to consider. My daughter (40) passed away 2 months ago today from Covid related illness. I was not a fan of the guy she married, but he certainly proved me wrong. He was her caregiver & would move mountains to bring her joy. I bless him every day for his love & commitment to her.
Praying your daughter continues to improve!
Always inspiring to read. Love your books. Continued prayers for your daughter!
I feel that the parents and their children should pray about what the right answer sholud be.
Being able to talk things out is the best way to solve problems. Never do anything out of spite.
I kind of had a problem when I got married. A few family members were judgemental just because of a few tattoos. My mom and dad really liked her. Mom and dad told me that if she made me happy, that’s all that matters and not to listen to the negative people, so that’s what I did. As time went on and the “judgemental” people got to know her, they decided that there wasn’t anything wrong with her. My wife was the best part of my life. She passed away in the fall of 2020 due to Breast cancer, but she fought hard and for so long. She is truly missed everyday by everyone.
My husband and I was married at a young age. I was 16 and he was 18. Everyone said we wouldn’t last that we only got married because we got pregnant. And maybe it was because I got pregnant and my husband felt he needed to do the right thing. But we also knew we cared deeply for one another. We’d been together for two years by the time I got pregnant. We met at church and already knew the path we wanted to follow. We’ve been together now for 30 years and in August we will celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary.
I believe as parents we can only guide our children not tell them who they should and should not marry. In the long run you will only be creating hard feelings. Also God is always working behind the scenes.
Do I think that the parent should speak up or intervene when their grown child wants to marry someone of whom they disapprove? I don’t,reason being everyone needs to learn on their own, if what decisions they made were the right ones or the wrong ones. Example when I married my husband they said it would not work since he didn’t believe in religion. I ignored everyone to prove them wrong. My love was stronger. But thru 13 years of marriage, I’ve learned they were right. My marriage did not work out, I tried my hardest to change this man but I could not & it hurt to know everyone was right. But my positive outcome was I have 2 beautiful children from my Ex & I wouldn’t have changed a thing, but I learned from this example. The man I have recently married does have faith & we have a wonderful marriage together & many more years to come.
I think they should let their child marry the person they love even if the parents do t approve of them. I would want my child to be happy. Everyone sit down together and talk this out so everyone is happy in the end.
I think it’s just normal for a parent to worry about decisions our children make. Sometimes everyone can be in agreement a couple is made for each other, and then they marry and struggle with the relationship maybe not even make it, and then sometimes there is the relationship no one thinks will ever make it and they live many years happily together. So it’s really hard and we can’t always know the right thing and have to pray it works out.
You can give advice, but ultimately it is their decision to marry. Pray for a good outcome. Prayers to your daughter and your family as you help with recovery from stroke. I am helping my boyfriend who is one year recovery from stroke. His short term memory is affected yet, but slowly improving with therapy.
Love your books looking forward to read
Two years ago I too had a stroke. It was long recovery but I am doing much better now. WOW what a lot of work! Your encouragement will help the recovery go faster.
I love Richard’s photos of the Amish.
I have the lovely quilt book.
Best regards to you and yours.
Hope you had a wonderful Anniversary. My parents made it to 53 years before we lost my father to Cancer. I admire the ones who make it for many years.
Thank You for sharing with us Wanda and Happy Anniversary ! As My Husband and I only knew each other for a little time If he would of lived we would of been married 49 years this past Dec. We can not pick our kids spouses and all we can do is pray and leave it in Gods hands! Continued Prayers Wanda for Your Daughter and all The Family Many Blessings coming your Way!
I hope this is the place to let you know I am so glad to hear of the improvement in your daughter’s condition. My prayers continue for you and your family. I met you some years ago at a book store in Ontario, OR that no longer exists. I am blind and read talking books, you were so kind that day to give me a book on CD! And a Whoopi Pie!
Stay Strong in Our Lord
Sincerely, Tracy Snyder
We dated 2 years but planned on getting married after 4-6 months of dating. We wanted to pay off my student loans and his motorcycle loan so we could start married life debt free. We’ve been married 38 years.
Continued Prayers coming for Your Daughter and Your Family Wanda Many Blessings to You and Yours !
Even thou I don’t approve of my daughters choice of boyfriend or husband it’s not my place to say anything thing. As long as they are not abusive.
I like to keep the peace so that I’m able to see my grandchildren.
You learn to get along because everyone has a different choice in the person they love.
Just look at you it all worked out in the end and here you are 60 years later.
We will be celebrating my parents 60th anniversary this year. And my parents were married even thou my Mom’s Mother tried her best to keep them apart because she didn’t want her daugher married to a farmer. Well 60 years and 5 children and several grandchildren and great grandchildren later still going strong.
I remember being a teenager and one of my friends fell in love with a fellow who was station at the Airforce base in our town. They wanted to get married … her parents said No … so at 16 they ran away and got married … they just celebrated their 61st anniversary
Continued Prayers for your Daughter and your Family Wanda Have a Blessed Day!
Your new book sounds very interesting! There are times when it doesn’t take long to know you’ve met “the one”. My husband and I were engaged quickly and married a year later and have been married almost 29 years.
Prayers for you daughter, for healing and patience. Parents play a big roll in their childrens life. We prayed our girls would pick a mate that they loved. We approved as long as they were happy. One had a few bumps in the rode but her strength and prayer pulled them through. The oldest went to collage away from the country life she only knew. Her mate was from a big town. They too have a lovely family. Feelings can hurt and be taken wrong but prayer and acceptance is what is important. Everyone deserves to try and do their best.
As marriage is one of the most important commitments in a person’s life, it is not to be entered into lightly, nor without much thought. Of course, it must be entered into for the right reasons, which should include a true bond in love. It would be the duty of parents to discuss with their adult child any problems they foresee in a prospective marriage. Of course, then each adult child must weigh all the considerations and reasons and then live with their decision.
If the grown children have God’s approval yes!
Glad your daughter is getting better. I see she is in Boise? I live in Nampa!
Wanda frist let me say Happy Anniversary! Yes I think that there are times when the parents should speak up and times they should try to stop it/I think that if thecouple trust in the LORD and value thier parents advice then they should stop and reconsider their plans.To think things thru. When I was 17 I was dating this boy that my Mom seemed to like but when we told her we wanted to get married things changed,we’d been dating [ as you and Richard were]. Moma didn’t want me to marry and said she would not sign for me to marry. But she gave in when she saw how determined we were. The marriage lasted 10 years. I love all of your books,I heard about novellas she wrote in but I can’t find them to purchase. Again Happy Anniversary! I pray thet our LORD will bless you and Richard with many more happy years.
If parents are concerned about their child they should sit down with them and have a conversation. No matter how old your child you never stop worrying about them and the decisions they make.
Sometimes parents can see problem areas in the potential spouse which their children may not see. Counseling prior to marriage may be helpful for the couple to learn more about each other and make a wise decision on whether to marry or not.
I agree with you this is what I’m trying to put into words in my comment
Congratulations on 60 years of marriage!
My parents didn’t say anything about my choice of a mate–I had met him in Bible School & he had had a wonderful testimony about being delivered from drugs…but, he backslid & went back to (still using at 73 yrs of age 🙁 )drugs & left me & 4 children… In hindsight, we should have dated longer & maybe I would have seen the red flags in time to have backed away…
I am thankful for my 4 children, and 6 grandchildren — my oldest son died at 33 yrs old of a drug overdose, in 2010–using his dad’s drugs…
no good/happy memories from the marriage…
GOD IS FAITHFUL & has taken care of me all of my life!
I believe if parents have concerns, they need to express them, BUT if you continue to drive your viewpoint, you may drive a wedge between you & your children.
I believe if parents have concerns, they need to express them, BUT if you continue to drive your viewpoint, you may drive a wedge between you & your children.
A parent can speak up about their grown child’s significant other, but don’t be surprised when or if that child decides to no longer listen to what you have to say. I choose to just embrace my child and enjoy the person she has chosen to spend her life with.
I am sorry to hear about your daughter.i will request prayer for her and your family at church.i get your books all the time.i love reading them.praying for yall.
I tried to stop my daughter’s wedding because her husband pulled a prenuptial on her 10 minutes before the wedding saying if they divorced he would get all the money and custody of the children. He was already abusive to her and I told her I would go out and cancel to wedding but she wouldn’t let me, she kept crying that she loved him. I did make her talk to the lawyer who was doing the wedding which she did and he told her that it wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. When she finally came to her senses and divorced him it didn’t count. She now happy with her 3 sons and a wonderful man who really loves her .
Grown children have a mind of their own and will do what they wish even if a parent tries to peruade them to not marry. If the parents know something about the person they are going to marry for instance abuse in the past I feel they should definintely try to change their child’s mind. They should have Christian marriage counseling before taking such a big step. I feel anytime a parent tries to changes the child’s mind there are going to be hurt feelings, but it’s probably for the best. The only way to have no hurt feelings is probably if nothing is said.
My family did not approve of my marriage because we were of a different faith. We have been married 57 1/2 years.
I think they should marry because not only proven to others and to themselves it can be done ! You learn each other and you love each other a little deeper. Life is hard and sometimes it takes you in different directions. But it can be happier with a companion to lean on !
I really loved this book and have already shared with my mom then will be passing it on to my daughter. My daughter has unfortunately experienced a similar addition with her youngest daughter’s father. I believe she will benefit reading this book. Thank you very much. Also prayers to your daughter and your family. God Bless
Good question. My mindset is that we have taught our boys, tried to live an example, and just commit to love each of our daughters-in -law.
Per marriage to one that one’s parents disapprove, I’d like to suggest that it depends on the couple getting married.
Speaking from experience, my mother disapproved of a man I was engaged to, many years ago now. To her,I wasn’t fit for marriage as she believed that he could (and should) find someone better than I. In the view of both my parents, I wasn’t athletic enough, pretty enough, or social enough for marriage. As heartbroken as I was, I opted (in the end) to not ever marry and save myself the public humiliation of ridicule from my own family +
Lots of prayers and trust for sure.
I can not speak from my own personal experience since my husband and I have been a “couple” since we were in 9th grade. He says he knew I was the one he would marry then…it took me a little longer to feel the same. However, my sister met and married her husband within 6 months. They have been married well over 20 years and have 4 children. My parents weren’t thrilled about it, but she was an adult and they had prayed the Lord would send us girls the right spouse since we were born. Mom said they were trusting her judgement, and praying the Lord would give her wisdom. I believe if a parent has prayed over the situation, and still doesn’t feel like it’s right, they should voice their concern. Obviously, though, if the child is an adult, it’s ultimately their decision, I think.
My mom had reservations about my husband when we became engaged. She was certain that he would not show up for our wedding! I had no doubt that he loved me then, and I have no doubt today. This June, we will be married thirty eight years, having supported each other through difficult times, like the premature birth of our daughter, and cheered each other through happy times. We were happy for both of our children when they married, and have endeavored to never give them advice that they didn’t ask for once they became adults.
Love your books 📚 Praying for your Dear Daughter and you and all the family
God bless you all
I can’t wait to read this book. Love all your books.
Just wanted to say praying for your daughter! Life is a blessing. Prayers for a complete recovery 🙏
I have no issues with telling my daughter that i get a bad vibe, or don’t like a guy. I think I would do a disservice not saying anything. She has found out sooner or later. But she has been pretty good about at least hearing me out. That’s really all that i can ask.
My husband and I have been married for 56 years. My brother,who was in charge of raising me let us get married,he said to me that the rest of my brothers and sisters got married young,so he was ok with us getting married. We dated for 1and 1/2 years.
Still love ❤️ each other the same as when we married 56 years ago.
Yes I do think they should marry
You always want what is best for your children and never see them get hurt or make wrong choices. Gotta trust their choices and be open with them when they ask for your opinion.
You can voice your opinion and hope your child listens. You have to ask God for guidence.
I feel that a parent should pray really hard if they have any questions at all as to whether their child should marry or not. And they should ask that God’s will be done. Then if their children do marry, they should pray that God will always be at the center of their lives.
I think that we shouldn’t intervene even if we are unsure of a mate our children have chosen. We should just pray that God leads them to the right choice.
If my grown child was about to marry someone who is not a Christian, I would speak up. If they chose to marry anyway, I would support them and show the Love of Jesus through my actions. Hopefully, parents and adult children can speak freely about why the parents disapprove of a potential mate without any hurt feelings. Only in a perfect world!
Love your novels so much!
Yes, I do think parents or other loved ones should speak up when they feel that a couple should not get married. Perhaps things are seen by others that the couple is “blind to.” In my own situation, and uncle and grandfather both questioned our getting married, however, they did not say anything to me prior to us getting married. Sadly, marriage of 28 years ended in divorce after many years of unfaithfulness. I don’t think there is a definite answer to whether or not the couple should marry anyway. Each situation is unique. Each one really needs to seek God’s guidance.
I really enjoy reading your books!
Even though my parents wasn’t excited about me getting married so young, they loved my fiancé and were supportive! I was 18 and he was 21. In June we will celebrate our 45th anniversary!!
Parent’s thoughts and concerns are always welcomed. But the grown children will always do what they wish. But I think you should consider your parents advice/concerns. I for example fot engaged and my parents weren’t happy at all. And not because they had heard things of him but they felt things. Needless to say they were right, but I had married already before his true colors came out. So, is always good to listen to parents.
Bless God! This entry hits “close to home,” but I will not give details, out of respect to parties involved…
The way I see it, “the sword cuts both ways:” If the parent(s) disapprove of the marriage for a valid reason…sure, I believe the parent(s) have the right to speak up and be honest. Nevertheless, if the man and the lady truly love each other in their hearts, before God, disapproving parent(s) (…or other family members), might put a stop to the marriage, but I’m guessing probably not!
God Minister, Bless, Guide, Save, and Keep all!
In Christ Jesus!
That would be a hard thing to do if you disapproved your child’s plans for marriage. My parents didn’t disapprove mine.
To an extent a parent should speak up. I had a love that I was told over and over he was bad news, never marry him and so on. Well I think that did drive me away from him. I did then find my true love in another man and married him and he two beautiful kids. My life may have been completely different if my parent hadn’t spoken up.
I absolutely believe we should express our concerns to our children. My daughter was engaged to a man that we saw signs that she didn’t. We prayed about the situation and spoke to her about it. After awhile, she started to see how he truly was but she didn’t want us to be out the money we had already spent for the wedding. We assured her that wasn’t important. Her safety and life was more important than the money. Praise the Lord, two weeks before the wedding, she broke off the engagement. Yes, we were out some money but we still have our daughter. Several years later God blessed her with great husband and 2 beautiful children. God is so good!
Dear Wanda – Prayers going up for your sweet daughter. May the Lord hold her in the palm of his hand and wrap her in his loving arms of healing.
As for should parents/family interfer, intervene, speak up, I have to say, speaking from experience, parents and family should hold their peace and not interfere unless it is a life or death situation. They can council their child regarding their child’s choice of life partner, however, I can truly say from experience, the more the parents/family say and try to interfer, intervene, say negative things about the other person, the more determined the child will be to marry that person.
I know when I became engaged to my husband after dating him for almost 3 years we ask my oldest brother who was a minister to marry us. He refused saying he didn’t know “where we stood with the Lord,” and felt we should date for at least another year or so in order for HIM to get the chance to observe us and get to know my husband to be better. My intended had been going to our meetings for 6 years at this point and I was raised in them. This was my brother! I told him if he didn’t know “where I stood with the Lord” by this time (we both were 21 years old, and my brother was much older) then he was never going to know. As for “getting to know” my intended husband better, I told him he had had almost 6 years do to that and we were not going to wait another “year or so” for his blessing (our father had died 6 years prior) and our mom was perfectly fine with us getting married. He still refused. He was a hard headed, egotistical man who thought ALL women were beneath men and were put on earth to SERVE men. When he preached at a wedding ceremony he pounded the “women obey your husbands” into the ground, however, he glossed over the “husband’s love your wives as God loves the Church.
By my brother refusing to marry us and my mom not sticking up for us it drove us to go to Reno, NV to get married 3 weeks later with his parents, 2 sisters, my mom, my SIL, and my neice and her husband. It was a spure of the moment decision on my husband to be part. My mom was devastated as I was the only girl out of 5 children and the baby of the family. She had dreams of me having a nice wedding in our home town with our family and friends present, not running off to Reno, NV at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning and coming back the next day. I think the only thing that helped her deal with it a little bit was I already had my wedding gown, veil and shoes as she had bought these for me about a year prior when I thought we were going to get married and my intended got cold feet and wanted to wait a bit longer, however, when he finally made up his mind it was immediate and “we’re getting married tomorrow.”
Looking back we should have waited as he was most definitely NOT ready to become a husband or father for a very long, long time. We will have been married 45 years this November and most all of those years have been empty and unhappy. The only good thing to come out of our marriage is our 2 beautiful children ages 40 and 42, and they are married each with a son of their own. My son and daughter and my 2 grandsons are the light of my life. My husband retired 7 months ago and it’s miserable as he has absolutely no hobbies and I’m disabled due to breaking my back 17 years ago training one of my horses I had at the time. I don’t have any now as I had to give them up. All my husband does now is talk to his mother on the phone just about every day. Either she calls him or he calls her, plays video games on his computer, hyper focuses on the stock market and buying and selling stock even though I have begged him to stay out of the stock market. He’s obsessed with money. He will never have enough. Our children live 6 hours from us in either direction so we have to pick whose home to go to for the holidays as they won’t come to ours as it’s way to small and they won’t go to each other’s so it’s up to us to do the traveling at the holidays. Every year it’s a battle to get my husband to go to their homes for the holidays. For the first 5 years it was fine and then he started refusing to go and had to be persuaded, pleaded with, pushed and bribed to go. This last Christmas we ended up staying home as he had a pacemaker put in. Prior to that, I have flown by myself to our children’s homes for the holidays while he stayed home citing ” I don’t want to go,” with absolutely NO other explanation and never does have one. One year he told me he wasn’t going 1 week before Christmas which left me scrambling for a flight to our children’s homes. When I asked WHY he was going it was the same old ” I don’t want to.” When I pressed him for a reason other than he “didn’t want to” he said “I’ll tell you when you get back.” That was 4 years ago and he still hasn’t told me why he refused to go at the last minute. His mother has also been of no help. When I’ve asked for her help she said “well, what can I do about it. You’re the one married to him.” She’s never supported me. My FIL did, but sadly he passed away in 1999. Now his mama has her hooks in him and their NOT coming out. I’ve asked and finally TOLD her NOT to call more than ONCE a week as it causes problems between her son and myself. She totally ignores anything I ask of her or tell her. She sends her son $200 for his birthday in a card and calls him, yet she doesn’t even send me a card. The woman is 86 1/2 years old and in better health than both my husband and myself, yet she does nothing but complain about how “ill” she is, even though she isn’t.
I married my husband the way I did because I resented my brother refusing to marry us and wanting us to keep dating for “another year or so,” and I could not stand the thought of living at home with my mom any longer. We didn’t get along, I couldn’t afford to move out and I had no one to share rent with. Back then most girls in my “circle” didn’t move out until they got married. Some of our beliefs were similar to the Amish. If you became a problem for the “men” of the meetings and wouldn’t behave yourself, the men would “Mark” you until you repented and straightened up. This meant you could come to the meetings, but no one would talk to you. You had to sit at the back of the room. If you were living at home at least your family talked to you. We weren’t allowed to celebrate Christmas, Easter or Halloween, but we could celebrate birthdays. We couldn’t go to school dances, homecoming events, football games, extra curricular activities (most of us couldn’t, but a few of the “elite” could), we weren’t allowed to have friends outside of our “meetings” group and the girls within the “meetings” groups were horribly clickish. If you did something out of the norm they were all over you. Talking behind your back ans making life miserable for you. If a new family happened to come to the meetings and they had a daughter, the girls who were the same age, usually teens, the other teen girls were horrible to them. They talked about them behind their backs or just ignored them. Usually these families never came back. The women and girls couldn’t cut their hair, couldn’t wear any makeup, no pants, acceptable jewelry was bracelets, rings, necklaces, watch, pins, but to earrings of any kind and no tattoos. Women and girls could not dye their hair and their dresses had to be just below their knees. No revealing necklines, no sleeveless dresses or tops, no tank tops, no tight fitting clothes, no short pants, no bathing suits. The girls wore short pants and t-shirts to swim in at the ocean and even at home in their pools. NO swimming with the boys, not even your brothers.
Sundays was Church in the morning and then everyone got together at someone’s home afterwards and spent the rest of the day playing volleyball, softball, walking on the beach, playing ping pong and at night we would sit around a campfire and sing with a guitar or inside someone’s home and sing with a piano and guitar.
Wednesday evenings was Bible study from 7-9 p.m. and Friday evenings was Singing from 7-9 p.m with dessert afterwards. They made sure you didn’t have spare time on your hands. If you had a job that required you to work on Sundays, Wednesday or Friday evenings it was frowned upon, but I did it anyway depending on where I was working as it was just my mom and myself and I had to pretty much support myself. At one point I worked for our local police department in the front office and we were required to wear a uniform which consisted of navy blue pants and a navy blue jacket with a white sleeveless top under the jacket that buttoned up. When my oldest brother saw me one day in my uniform, the same brother that wouldn’t marry us, he got all huffy about it. I told him it was a requirement for my job and I made good money working for the City Police Department and I didn’t want to hear another word out of him and he didn’t say anymore. Oh, and the girls were never encouraged to attend college. Most of the girls were married between the ages of 18 and 21 years of age. It was OK if the guys went to college.
Sounds a lot like the Amish. Once women got married they were expected to quit their jobs and stay home and after being married a year you were pretty much expected to become pregnant. The more kids the better.
Anyway, this is way more than you asked for. It’s my experience having parents/family interfere or not stick up for you when you wanted to get married.
When our daughter finally met the guy she ended up marrying, we had no idea she was even dating anyone. She had already moved out, graduated from college, had her own home and was teaching 6th grade. We found out when she called and said she was bring someone for Thanksgiving. She never talked about her “boyfriends.” Our son’s first marriage lasted 5 years, he was almost 20 when he got married and she was 24. It was a marriage of convenience and I thank God every day they never had any children. After they divorced our son was single for 14 years. He had several girlfriends, but no one serious until around 2016 he met a young lady and they had a lot in common. They married in 2019 and they now have a 3 year old son. He never talked about his girlfriends either.
When our kids finally did talk about someone they were in a relationship with we didn’t pry. We asked a few questions, but for the most part we let them tell us what they wanted us to know and waited for them to introduce the person to us. Then our home was open to them. Once they got married I have tried to treat their spouses as if they were my own children and let them know if they are comfortable calling me mom that’s fine, if not, that’s OK too. I’ve done my best not to get involved in their problems unless they ask for advice and even then I’m very careful what I say. The one thing I do NOT do is continually call my kids. I wait for them to call me unless it’s an emergency. Usually I text them and they text me. That’s their preference, not mine, but I respect it.
Once your kids become adults you have to show them respect if you want them to show you respect and keep your nose out of their business unless they ask your advice no matter how hard it is.
We were both in the Navy. We met in September 1972 and got married on February 16th 1973. I have found that just listening to my children when they were young and now that they are adults works. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to that they know will listen and know that that person will not tell anyone else what they talked about. We all need someone that we can trust to listen to us when we just need someone who will listen and not judge.
I try to give advice to my grandchildren and ask questions that make them think about everything they might not have but I believe in love at first sight and if it is meant to be then God will give an answer . I would advise them to make sure you have a partner that shares in your beliefs .
I just finished reading Letters of Trust. What a story. Eleanor’s strength amazed me. That is one thing about the Amish. Their strength and their faith are incredible. I was sure that marriage was not going to make it. Happy to see a wonderful ending! I hope your daughter is making progress each and everyday. I continue to keep her in my prayers. God Bless.
My parents thought I was too young to marry at 19, and wanted my husband to finish college. They realized we truly loved each other and gave their approval. We just celebrated our 29th anniversary. If there is genuine concern, I think a parent should speak up, however, that child has to make the decision for themselves. Congratulations on 60 years of marriage, a true blessing from God.
I have loved every book I have of yours. I would so love to have your book with your husband’s photos. My husband love photography also. We love going together he photographs, I knit in the car and enjoy being outside. I love setting on a bench when weather permits. I enjoyed hearing how you met and value your 60 yrs of marriage. Definitely something to celebrate!!
I have loved every book I have of yours. I would so love to have your book with your husband’s photos. My husband loves photography also. We love going together as he photographs, I knit in the car and enjoy being outside. I love setting on a bench when weather permits. I enjoyed hearing how you met and value your 60 yrs of marriage. Definitely something to celebrate!!
I did say something but my son didn’t listen right when I talked to this girl over the phone I got not a good vibe. Then as they started to set up an apt I really knew she was trouble and then they got married and wow that was horrible. She never changed she got worse she is just so wicked and aggresive it is terrible. She really is a big problem and when we were visiting she was so controling over us where we were taking her kids and when even though she supposedly was taking a crash course on becoming a teacher. No way would anyone want their child in her class and she never even made it that far. Now the “D” is happening and he is seeing how she is lying and just bad news she has done so many things to my son that he doesn’t know if he is coming or going . Luckily he now is strong and he is putting his foot down in court she has tried to lie and the woman judge has sided with her which is wrong so he has a mountain to prove himself he loves his kids so much and she now brought a boyfriend from the state of Georgia that she had been having a fling with for a couple of years. It is just terrible now they are living together and he is much older not sure what is going on there but I am not involved which I am so glad. I know at my age to always trust your gut and I had her pegged right from the beginning with all the trouble she has caused I am glad now someone else it staking her attitude while she just sits at home and doesn’t work. All my son tells me is Man why didn’t I see it thru your eyes I said you have to live and learn son next time you won’t make those mistakes and you should start going back to church as he has been praying and praying but going to church will help his whole being feel better.
Your books are Wonderful!
We love our children and always want what’s best for them and are protective of their well-being, however, I believe prayers and talking with your kids helps them also as sometimes they are afraid of leaving the person maybe due to abuse, etc., I love your books Wanda and enjoy all the beautiful Amish photos of Richard’s talented photography!
It’s a very touchy situation to tell someone your concerns about the marriage. I would pray for Gods guidance in how to go about addressing the concerns with your loved ones. Prayer is always best for His guidance.
It’s a tricky situation. I think as a parent if there is a threatening situation, most certainly yes, they should speak up in a way that is respectful and honors the son or daughter so that they don’t feel immediately rebuffed. I do think the children are always looking for parents’ approval, it is the way that it is handled that is important to how they receive it.
I think you can give your opinion of what you see but not pressure them. The final decision is theirs to make.
I think the parents can tell their son or daughter they disapprove of their choice of mates, but it usually doesn’t help. If the child doesn’t like their parent’s opinion, they could marry to spite their parents. It might backfire. I would try to approve of their choice even I didn’t think it was right. I would not want my child to feel like they had to make a choice between their mate and family.
Happy anniversary and many many prayers for your daughter. I love reading your books they are spiritual and lovely words.
On this topic, my son got engaged Dec2022 and he asked us and her mom for our blessings. We all have our blessing but I asked for him to finish college, time it slow, and please don’t move away from me. Well after giving my blessing and then the proposal happened. Well now he is still completing college but the wedding dates has been set for Aug 2023, and he has moved out. He told us on a Saturday night and moved out on a Sunday night. I love my son and I know he loves me, his family, and his fiancé but I feel deep in my heart that there is live there between them but the fiancé I believe is making him move so quick at this. She has become a bridezilla and it’s her way only. I haven’t been included in anything and that’s not my son. I feel I need to keep quiet but for how much longer I don’t know.
But in my opinion if the parents feel something isn’t right we should stand up for our children.
With love always