Decisions
In my co-authored upcoming novel, The Farmers’ Market Mishap, Elma is faced with some difficult decisions. The love of a man tugs her in one direction, but her responsibilities to her sister, as well as her grandparents’ store, pull her in another, making it difficult to choose.
Sometimes, when we are faced with a decision that could not only affect our life, but someone else’s, we sacrifice our own needs. Other times we might follow our heart, but then live with guilt, believing that we have let one of our friends or family members down.
Have you ever been faced with a decision that could affect someone else’s life, and wondered if it would be better to do what you think is best for them, rather than follow your own desires? What are some things we can do to help us make right decisions when it might affect someone else’s life, as well as our own? When it is it alright to make a sacrifice for others, and when is be okay for us to do what we feel is best for ourselves?
My decision to move my elderly mother in with my husband and myself was a no-brainer. She would much rather be by herself in her home but her safety is much more important. It’s definitely a sacrifice on our part. We love to go camping and right now that’s not possible. As much as I love my mother, she’s stubborn, critical and very opinionated. My doctor warned me I should also consider my health and take time to enjoy my life but it’s just not possible at the moment. My mother has no money, never saved, and has no other options.
I love to read and review books and each year I try to do more than the year before. Right now they are my escape. I can “travel” to new places and “make new friends”. Thank you for your books Wanda!
Decisions can often be very difficult to make. My decision to turn down an offer of marriage because I didn’t feel we were a good match hurt someone more than I wanted to happen, but it turned out best for both of us.
Decisions no matter what they are or who they affect should always Formost be taken to God. We should pray about it. WE should also think about our actions and make sure they reflect how we would want the decision to be made if we were in the other persons shoes. What is the best way to handle this situation? Will I be sensitive about how they feel?
Decisions are sometimes very difficult make. With God’s guidance the right decision is made. I feel at peace but still have moments of questioning.
March 2009 my boyfriend decided to retire early and move out of NJ where we both lived. Fred wanted to move south. I had to decide if I would take the safe route of staying where I knew everyone and by my family or take a chance and marry Fred and move. The area where we lived had too many ghosts of our past so I took a chance and moved. Nearly 8 years later I so happy to be here in Tennessee. I can see the Smoky Mountains from our complex and have plenty of Fred’s family nearby. Three of our children moved down to North Carolina so we can drive a couple hours and visit them. All my life I was afraid to take a leap of faith. Now I realize you can’t be afraid of change, God has plans for you and you need to learn to trust in Him.
I made the decision to go to the hospital when my sister was having major surgery. She is a very private person and I knew if I told her I was coming she would tell me not to., I showed up and surprised her. At the time I think she was a little upset but now she appreciated having someone sit with her husband the 4 hrs she was I surgery. I had to take off work but in the end it was worth it.
We as parents of a mentally handicapped child needed help outside of our own home, and we were faced with admitting her in the care of a skilled facility. We knew we could no longer face the explosive behaviors, but how could we turn our child over to strangers? She was to remain with us “we felt”. But through much prayer and seeking the Lords will and other options, this seemed to be the only way for help. But as this process was very lengthy and due to tests results even this effort was delayed for 3 years. Our home was a wreck with outbursts of anger from a now 17 year old daughter. But God so ordered, that we were allowed for 3 years to use this facility for respite purposes (5 weeks thoughout the year, either used in weeks or days) which gave us a reprieve at certain times. During this time, God allowed us and our daughter to adjust to the faciiity and staff, and become comfortable. Isn’t that just like our God?! He worked it all out for our good and our daughters Benefit. After 26 years she has greatly improved (not problem free), but we are amazed at her progress. God took what we thought impossible and made it so much easier! Yes we missed her and were scared but God helped ease that burden, and she accepted the move and was happy!
Our prayer now, if you will help us pray, is that our state is closing her home next year. We have no idea where she will go. We are once again terrified! She doesn’t accept change, it makes behaviors worse. She could worsen drastically! Pray God will open the proper door, or either hinder this closure process. Sometimes we have to make decisions that we don’t like but is for the good of all. Love often means Letting Go! Thanks in advance for your prayers. Whether I win or not, I desire your prayers. God bless.
We can never be sure what the other person wants no matter what they say. They are sometimes too proud to admit they want the help. We cannot even always know what we would want if we have never been in that position. Hypothetical and real are sometimes two very different things. What God would do is usually clearer. I find the biggest mistakes I make are because I do not look or listen long enough for the third or fourth possible solution. Enough prayer often brings them to light.
My husband and I are facing a difficult decision right now. The decision involves traveling probably a longer distance than we ever have in our lives and we are not young. The trip will be to visit our son that we rarely get to see and meeting his wife of 7 years for the very first time. It will also be a chance for us to see more of this beautiful country than we have in the past especially if we travel by car. There are many choices to make, the first whether or not to go at all, then which mode of travel is safest for us. We want very much to go and are in constant prayer for making the right decision according to God’s will and asking our friends to pray also.
Sounds like a good book. I would like to read this one. I hope you pick my name.
It’s tough to know the right answers to the decisions that you must make through life. There are definitely times you have to sacrifice in life, especially if you have children. There’s usually a way to compromise, you just need to keep hopeful and look for all the possibilities.
After my mom passed away my dad said that my husband, son and I should move in with him. My first reaction was NO WAY! My dad and I were too much alike! lol But then I prayed about it and I was at peace about moving in with him. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My son was 6 at the time. He was always close to my mom but this enabled him to get close to “Papa” and visa versa. The first thing we should ALWAYS do when faced with a decision is take it to the Lord first!
Yes I have had to help make a decision ‘for’ another person three times in my life. Once when we had to put my Mother in the nursing home because of her Alzheimer’s, oh was she mad at us! It was very hard and when I reminded her that she had always said she’d rather be here than live with one of our kids, that wasn’t fair to us, her response was, “That was then, this is now!!!”, very angrily.
The second and third time were for my Mother-in-law, she was already in a nursing home in FL and due to circumstances beyond the kids’ control she needed to be moved, four out of the five kids felt moving her back to a Kansas nursing home in her hometown was best, so we decided to do that. Just recently my brother-in-law was contacted about moving her to a home with an Alzheimer’s unit, she has dementia but is very healthy and active otherwise. He wanted my opinion and let me decide, we did move her for her safety, she was making other patients angry with the things she was doing and saying.
Prayer is the best way to ask for help in making decisions of any kind as well as weighing pros and cons.
wfnren at aol dot com
i AM EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW BOOK. i HAVE TO READ EACH BOOK AS IT COMES OUT I .lOVE ALL YOUR STORIES.
When we siblings decided to move our mom to an assisted living facility (for her safety) she was not happy with us at first. Doing this gave us another 5 years with her. She was a very social person & once she settled in she was happy.
sounds like a great book!!!! thank you for writing great books!
I have always TRIED to put other’s first. I spent a year spending a few days a week with mom and dad then back home with my hubby cooking and doing laundry etc. This continued until my husband was having more health problems. I stayed home with him until he passed away in July. I am now facing the decision to find a new home for my dog and whether to put off surgery to be available for my parents. I am praying about it.
My husband and I are facing moving my Mother in-law which lives in Okla here with us in Ohio. She is losing her memory so bad. If she comes to Ohio it will be rough on me because I have health issues myself. It will also means I would be with her most of the time. No more just taking off for Shipshewana with the girls. I love her just worried. I am leaving it in the hands of God. Can’t wait to read this book.
I won’t go into our problems with a mother who has dementia, but I can well sympathize with the other ladies who have written. It involves very, very difficult decisions. I really enjoy your books, Wanda . Keep them coming!
I love my daughter Its hard sometimes to let them spread there wings. She is dating a guy who is trying to get clean from drugs so I give my advice when asked and have been praying for words of wisdom and tell her it’s up to him to get this problem under control. She has such a big heart that she tries to help everyone. Just praying that she makes good choices and she here’s gods voice in this matter.. I really enjoy your books haven’t read your books with your daughter yet looking forward to do so.. God bless
6 Years ago our daughter was to deliver her baby and we told them we would be waiting in the lobby for them to let us know ? was there. No, you don’t need to come! Well, we’ll be there and when you want to see us, we’ll be there. CSection at 11:00. 11:10 we heard Code Blue a number of times with doctors, etc. coming from everywhere! Then I heard the receptionist behind the glass say our daughters name. I went over and said I was her Mom and wanted to know what was going on. To make a story a little more condensed she had a pulmonary embolism which basically caused her to die on the table. The baby was already born and had been moved along with Dad to another room. Our daughter pulled through after a couple days on the ventilator and eventually had a hysterectomy because of the blood thinners she was given. When we went to the room where the baby was with her Daddy and of course nurses, I couldn’t wait to see her and make sure she was ok! I thanked God SHE was and Grandma was so happy she had gotten her first granddaughter! But my Son-in-law would have been without any family at all with him. During that day, the doctors kept us informed what was happening and at one point my SIL came over to where I was sitting and put his arms around me and sobbed! I still thank God for telling us to go there and be with them even if they didn’t want us there. Our daughter is fine and our little granddaughter is super fine!
It is hard to sit by and know that my daughter needs to get a job and I don’t know if she is looking or not. She just got married and I know her husband would like her to work and I think she would be happier if she could get out of the house and work. But I know that it has to be her decision. I just keep her in my prayers.
My brother, sister, and I were faced with a very tough decision a few months ago. My dad had a stroke. We had to make some decisions pertaining to his care due to the stroke. These were some tough decisions that we had to make at that particular time, but those decisions were for the best interest of our dad. Those decisions have now helped him in progressing and getting to where he needs to be so that he can go back home eventually. We made some of the best decisions we could have and that is truly a blessing in the hands of God.
From Mary Simon
Yes, Our Lord guides our decisions when we ask Him.
It is that inner voice, the surety of our actions and our peaceful
resolve which remains once deliemas are decided.
As, God blesses us with children and family, it is not
surprising that our deepest concerns are decisions we make regarding them.
I love all of your books. And get them when they come out. Thank you so much for your great books God bless you
Hello to you Wanda and other fans sharing here. I enjoy reading your stories more than I can say! They truly are a wonderful escape and always sensitive and warm. They always make you feel good to be part of the human race, and boy do we need more of that!! These are such thoughtful questions, but the simplest answer for me is to make prayer a priority and to include God in thoughts all day, asking for guidance, celebrating small blessings. When I made the decision to take family leave to be there for my mom as she went through lung surgery for cancer several years ago and to care for her during her recovery at home. As I suspected, I ended up losing my job and went through a couple of very tough years without an income, but God came through and somehow each month the bills got paid and I eventually received a blessing in a resolution to this trial. The whole experience left me with a more real certainty that when you earnestly step out in faith to do what He is urging you to do, He can and will be there for me. I am not preaching, just remembering that time and still amazed.
Have a wonderful day all!
I have been a lot with my older son. He has been into drugs which he finally got away with doing it by himself but then he became an alcoholic. I almost lost him last summer but I finally did the hard love. He has been alcohol free for 8 months and has found his way back to the Lord. It was a tough decision for the tough love but in my heart I know it was the best thing for him. I’m so proud of him.
Oh my goodness, as I read your journal entry so many memories went through my head of times when those decisions had to be made: me or them? Well, what I have learned through these many years is that if you walk out Matthew 6:33 that the Lord will give wisdom for any decision as we seek Him first and Proverbs 3:5-6 as we trust Him with all our heart and do not lean on our own understanding speaking our love and worship of Him and He will direct our steps. Then I know that I am making the right decision and the enemy who loves to bring guilt and condemnation will have no input into my life.
I love your books and eagerly await each new book.
As I read through the previous comments I realized so many have had to make decisions I will never have to make. Yet some of the decisions I have made were very difficult, maybe because others were always involved which makes any decision more difficult. I did not always make the right decision; probably because I tried to do it by myself and that never works. God must always be the one who guides us in the right direction. I have found He always knows best, even if the process may be more painful than we ever dreamed it could be. Yet the outcome will arrive in His time and His way and that is our hope and confidence in our all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present Lord and Savior. Thank you for writing such inspiring books based on circumstances that could very well be ours in similar circumstances.
I found out recently that I will be the executor of my Dads will I knew he was getting his will in order but his decision did not make it easier for me to hear I know we all have to go through this but it does not make easier no matter how long you prepare.
Thank you for your journals and books I have enjoyed them for many years and will for many more
It is hard to help somebody when they do not want your help, you can just suggest something and then let them make their own decision and hope it won’t be the wrong one for them
would love to win your new book,i love to read your books they great to read,thank
I just finished your new book!!! I couldn’t put it down like the others!! I kept thinking oh I hope Wanda does another one to go with this one!!
I looked in the back of the book. ( The Seeker’s) to see if you were planning on doing one. Well none were there!! So after seeing this email and seeing that you have one coming out in August made my day!!!
This cooking classes were awesome!!! I thought the Quilting Classes were great but I really loved this one!!!
Please keep them coming!!!!
I lost my mother to Altzheimer in 2006. I miss her and appreciate all she did for me growing up. I’m sure I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise. Thanks for sharing about your family. Phyllis
I just love your books and the traditions and love for God that the families have. I did not have the good fortune and luck to come from a christian family but God blessed me with a husband who took me to church and speed me who God was. Thank you for being who you are.
I’d love to win this book.I think I’ve read all of your books.
I can’t think of a specific instance right now, but I know when difficult decisions are to be made, but best thing to do is to bring it before God. Also, to talk to someone else who won’t involved that won’t be effected to either side and asking advice. Asking for prayer support from church family, friends, and family as well.
I have chose to help my paralyzed mother when other family members didn’t step up to the plate when Daddy passed. It has been over 14 years now and still my husband and I are there for her day after day. I am number 6 of 6 kids and would do anything for her, even though at times things are very difficult. She is very opinated, but I would do anything to make her happy. A lot of times I’m in a crossfire between my husband and her, it’s like raising 2 bickering kids!!
I helped my husband make the decision to move his great uncle into an assisted living facility. We took responsibility of him because his niece moved to Florida and he was up here near us. He did not want to go, but too many things were happening. We were afraid he would be badly injured. Eventually he ran out of money and was moved to a nursing home where he developed Alzheimers which is where he passed away. Thank you for the chance to win. Love Your books.
I have just discovered your books and am looking forward to reading all of them. Some decisions are just hard to make, but praying has always helped. Thank you for such nice and decent stories.
When I have to make a decision about anything I pray about it. I believe god has all the answers and knows what is in store for us. My most recent decision was if I should move from one state to another. With the will of god I have moved and I had 3 job interviews and all 3 wanted to hire me. God is good. Love your books Wanda can’t wait to read this one.
I am living with a difficult decision now. I have a disabled daughter who’s walking was getting worse and worse and she was in a lot of pain. She had to start using a wheelchair around Christmas and she had needed surgery on March 3rd. I struggled with what to do with her after the surgery such as rehab, etc. She is at a nursing home now for rehab. Have I made the right decision? I want my daughter not the hurt and have a better quality of life.
This really sounds like a good book. I am an avid fan of yours and have met you in person and have read almost all of you books. I love reading them… Sure would love to be a winner. Thank You for the offer. Barbara Meldrum
My decision was 2 have My Mother-in-law 2 live with Us. My Husband wanted 2 make sure it was ok with Me. I told Him I wanted Her 2. We both Never regretted it. It has been the best decision We made.
I would love 2 learn 2 make homemade meals that the Amish make.
I’ve had a lot of major decisions like that in my life. Pray pray pray about these decisions. My issue is, when I don’t feel led to make any decision I get so confused. So I just do nothing until the last minute. Sometimes it turned out to be a good decision, sometimes not.
We need to look at the entire situation and do what honors God. Sometimes a child or the elderly are unable to make decisions for themselves and others must make the decision. We need to trust God and lean not to our own understanding to let God direct our paths.
Thank you Wanda for an opportunity to win a great book by you. Would be very happy to be chosen.
I have had many important decisions to make and to help family members make this past year. Each revolving on a need to ask and trust God to help those decisions be the best for all concerned. I hope that I listened carefully as answers came. Your books are a real inspiration. I am so glad that you write these wonderful Christian books.
Looking forward to your new series Indiana Cousins. I liked how you talked about teaching your children all what your mother and relatives taught you all about homemaking.
I’ve been having more and more problems walking without a cane or walker. My husband got me through seven surgeries to my back and neck, as well as bacterial spinal meningitis. I know that it’s not the best time for Tom to have to take care of me, but I finally realized I wasn’t going to get better and I had my doctor order an mri. When the results came in, both my doctor and my chiropractor said I needed to see a back doctor. We went to see one and he said I had to get this surgery or spend the rest of my life in a wheel chair. Tom is trying to start a new business right now. I have my Mom and my sister coming to take care of me in the first couple of weeks which should help. I’ve been putting the surgery off for a while because he has had to go through so much with me…I couldn’t put this off any longer.
This book sounds so fun! I’d love to read it! Love your books!
susanlulu@yahoo.com
Always pray for guidance in making difficult decisions.
I am looking forward to reading your most recent books and hopeful that the summer break from my job at school will allow me the relaxing time to do just that.
As many have mentioned, being available to help family in a time of need has been a big part of my life these past few years, too.
God bless you as you continue to encourage many through your gift of writing.
It seems like I always put others and their needs before my own. So when I have decisions to make I always end up choosing to do what is right for another person.
I have generally found that by doing what is best for others is also best for me. I may not see it straight away, but time does tell.
I also put others first when making choices. That is just me to help others before me.
Love all your books.
One of the hardest things my sister and i done was to move our parents to the Veterans home. After my dad fell and almost died (he also had alzheimer) he was placed first in a nursing home. As he got better our mom still living wouldnt make a decision about dad.
As sisters we felt like it in there best interest to place them in the VA where they could get the care they needed. Dad died three years ago may 1st. My mom still lives at VA. The decision was one of the hardest things we had to do. We cried over this and prayed.
We were in charge of selling there house and cleaning the house out. Dad couldnt make a decision, as mom could but wouldnt. As it has turned out mom is doing well. My sister and i live in two different states. My parents especially my mom didnt want to leave her home. Moving them was heart breaking but needed to be done. Giving God all the glory as everything fell into place.
Life is full of difficult decisions. My husband and I got married 8 years ago and decided to move to FL, far away from all our family. It was a difficult decision, but we enjoyed being on our own. After 6 years in FL, my husband thought it would be good to move back to Ohio to be by family. he knew I would like being near my mom and even though we loved FL we moved back to Ohio. Being near family can be good but also more difficult. 3 months after moving back I go pregnant after 6 years of marriage. Now we have 2 little girls and are very happy. We also just made the difficult decision to sell our house to get something a little smaller and easier to maintain and so we can have more money to spend on kids and fun activities. It’s not easy selling a house with 2 little ones but we are sticking together and feel that this is what God wants us to do. I love your books!!
When it s difficult to know what to do, the best thing to do is pray, seek God’s will and search his word. Ask him to lead you and give you wisdom and he has promised to do if we ask.
I always try to do what is best for every one. Thank you for the giveaway.
Joan
Making a decision that will affect others is not always easy. Thank you for the opportunity to win this book.
Marion
I try to weigh the pros and cons in making decisions that might affect others involved. Thank you for this giveaway.
Marilyn
It is not easy to to be in charge of a decision that affects others. It is always a good idea to think through the good and the bad of each of the options. An important part of the process is to pray and ask God to guide the decision. And as you go through with your decision, continue to pray for guidance for each step in the journey.
Wanda, your books have always been a blessing and encouragement to my faith journey. THANK YOU!
KIM
Decisions have consequences. We weigh the pros and cons and try to make the best choice. Sometimes we realize, too late, that we made the wrong choice. However, we try to learn from our mistakes and make the best of the present situation. I regret some of the decisions I made and I am thankful for other decisions that I made. Accepting Christ as my Savior was the best decision I made.
Decisions are hard to make many times but with God by my side and lots of prayers I know I will make the decisions that are best for me.
With friends support and a response to God’s voice, I chose to stay in a flawed marriage many years ago. Now we are going to be married for 54 years on our anniversary in July.
Decisions are hard but you pray and consider all sides and than make a choice. Looking forward to your book
I read all of the comments and my heart goes out to all the women who have had to make and live with very difficult decisions.
I have had difficult decisions; however, most of them were pertaining to work issues wherein I would try to think of all the consequences, and wait until I thought it completely through, Some of the decisions were good, and some not so good.
When I get up each morning, I say, “Thank you dear God for this day.” No matter what the problems are or will be, I have faith that I am being watched over and guided.
Thanks for this opportunity to win this book.
Decisions are never easy, but with God helping in those decisions, it makes it easier!
Wanda,
Thank you so much for bringing peace and tranquility, a sense of simpler times to our home. You are my favorite Amish Fiction author.
Myhealthy, active 90 year old Mother fell and broke her leg on April 26. She needed surgery. My sister knew the recovery from this would take quite a while, so my sister, who is the only child living in the same state as Mom, told us what days she would be available to be with Mom that week, and the rest of us children were to come to Pennsylvania and fill in the other days. Although her surgery day was not a day I was to be there and no specific time for the surgery was given, we drove there and made it just as they were taking her from the holding area into the surgery. We got to wish her well and then sat with my sister through the surgery. We got to visit with her after the surgery to know that she was in no pain and actually saw that she was served one of her favorite meals for supper. We informed her that we would be coming back to PA in the morning and would arrived before lunch. Unfortunately, during the night I received a call that my mother had a rare medical emergency during the night, an aortic dissection. There was nothing at that point that could be done to help her, except to give her comfort measures, which left her totally unresponsive without pain. We were told she only had moments or up to 24 hours before she passed. We took the longer way to get to the hospital so we could pick up her loving companion. We did not want him to have to drive just learning the shock of the situation. We arrived at the ICU and her companion my husband and I were blessed to have quite a few hours at my mother’s bedside before she passed. Although she was unresponsive, I got to see that she was in no pain and did not have to spend her last hours alone. Although she was unresponsive, having the chance to comfort her, being there to hold the phone to her ear so that my brother, who still had many hours of driving to arrive in PA, could say words to comfort her, and being there to give my sister directions from the hospital garage to the ICU after her long drive from VA, were blessings. My sister arrived in the ICU room just a few moments before my mom’s passing along with my other sister who had been comforting my mother during the night before I arrived. Anyway, my decision to go to the hospital on surgery day was a decision I am so glad I made. Since my mother was in good health, I never would have thought that would be the last time I would have the chance to talk with my mother and see her responsive. I believe we can make decisions on what God would want us to do. Sometimes I think if we listen close enough, we can feel his nudge to make the right decision. God has us all in his plan, we just have to be open to hearing his will and then accept it.
I have been in this situation so many times. I think in situations such as these, just like anything else, we need to pray. We need to ask God what is best a wait to hear that still small Voice.
My decision turned out to be a good one for all involved. My son and daughter in law asked me to consider keeping their first born, also my first grandchild, so they could continue working. This meant me quitting my full time job and giving up the income. There were pros and cons, but in the end I quit my job and became a full time grandma. I never went back to work, but went on nurture and help raise , along with my husband, 4 more grandchildren. It was a wonderful time for everyone involved…….we experienced many “firsts”. With all the photos I took, I was able to make a scrapbook for each grandchild highlighting their early years before going full time to public school.
I truly believe my children are grateful for the sacrifice I made in leaving the workforce. I truly believe I made the correct decision and believe I have had a positive impact on my grand children’s lives.
I have great difficulty making decisions. Theoretically (theologically) I know that all my decisions make a difference in my life and the lives of others (consequences) and that I should always seek God’s wisdom for discernment and that God/Jesus comes first, others second and yourself last (JOY) but it’s difficult to do live out in the real world. I am very thankful for God’s grace and mercy in giving me second chances and forgiveness from him and others when I make wrong choices.
I would be interested in knowing how you set up your co-writing process and what you have learned from the experiences. Thanks for writing.
Those are all very difficult questions. I wonder now if I made wrong descisions when my mother was very sick. I don’t know if any descision would have changed anything. She died when she was 89 and wasn’t happy being weak and sick. But I kept hoping and praying for her to live.
I had to make a decision that was heartbreaking, but I knew it was for the best when I had to choose to put my elderly mother in a nursing home so she would have the care & medical attention she needed. I pray she understood why I had to do that.