The Blame Game
In my novel, The Struggle, when a terrible tragedy occurred, Hannah blamed her husband and was unwilling to forgive. In Hannah’s grief and anger, she and pulled away from Timothy, emotionally, as well as physically.
Often when a person has been hurt by someone or feels responsible for something they, themselves, have done, they will put the blame on someone else’s shoulders. That seems to be easier than carrying the blame themselves.
Blaming others for things they have done to us, or blaming them for things we have done ourselves, but won’t acknowledge, isn’t pleasing to God, and it only makes things worse in a relationship. What are some ways we can deal with a tragedy or some upsetting event and not put the blame on someone else?
The very fist thing we need to do is go to God in prayer. Then go to our bible and see what God’s words says about that situation or problem, because you will find it in the bible. Then talk to the person, if you have an open heart you should be able to work it out, also pray with that person. There is always two sides with humans, but God side is the right side. But you have to seek God first, and then talk to each other. Norma
I have not read the series yet but looking forward to it. I can relate to this as my family walked thru what we called the fire. It was last year that my son who is 20 became ill and thought it was the flu so we didn’t think much of it. As time went I and seemed to get better he continue to loose weight and no matter what he could not gain weight. Got him into the doctors they did CT scan and then told us they thought he had cancer. My husband and I never thought this could happen and our poor son what must he be thinking. We turned to the Lord and our family in our church non-stop prayer. The glory is that God was with us during this time and gave us the strength, peace. I give thanks to our Heavenaly Father for giving our son healing and no cancer. He does suffer from Crhones. My point is that I gave it all to the Lord trusted in Him for the outcome.
I have already read the third book. As times you just wanted to slap her for the spoiled up bringing she continued to live. I enjoyed all three of the books. Thank you for you work.
My husband and I have struggled for the past 18 months with our marriage. My husband pulled away from God and me and went to a very dark place in his life. He did some things that he shouldn’t have. Which caused alot of hurt , anger , and some bitterness . The first therapist we went to once not a christian, and just was no help. So we struggled along for 8 months trying to fix this ourselves. I was praying the entire time for help, the Lord gave me the strength that I needed to survive. In Oct. of last year the Lord lead us to a christian therapist, she is a blessing to us. We have made alot of progress in our marriage. M husband is back with the Lord and doing well. He still falters at times, we all do. I a still hurt and angry l, but not like I was at first. The bitterness is gone, thank you GOD for that . We love each other a great deal. We both have grown closer to the Lord during all of this. We both have learned a valuable lesson during our struggle, spiritual laziness can cause harm to you, your marriage, and your well being. We make time every day to spend with the Lord. And we are reaping the benefits of it. I love your work Wanda, and the Struggle really hit home with me. Thank you.
When I struggle, the first thing I try to do is give it to God. He provides the comfort to face the issue. Second, I think it’s extremely important to talk to the others involved & let them know how you feel. By holding it all inside, it opens the door for resentment & makes it easier to blame someone else. I find that when I’m hurting or angry, it’s so much easier to lay the blame elsewhere but the truth is when I look in the mirror I have to face the fact that I’m not perfect and my own actions can increase the hurt & anger. Lots of prayer helps, turning to the Elders at church & the pastors helps. I also find that I can confide in a best friend who doesn’t judge, someone who is also a Christian & realizes we all are less than perfect.
I personally think that it’s easier to turn to God when we are in a personal crisis. Too many of us will “Give” our problems to God only to turn around and “Take” them back again (myself included). We need to have a daily, personal relationship with God in that we turn to Him for anything great (ex. major illnes, etc) or small (ex. making it thru a light before it turns red, etc.). God is with us 24/7 and He NEVER will leave us! I find myself thanking God throughout the day for the little things and then when the big things come it’s natural for me to turn to Him!
My grandfather recently passed last Monday, and I know that it has been hard for my whole family. Oftentimes we first ask the question ‘why’ when the tragedy strikes, and when we don’t find the answer, we try to blame everybody and anybody. My grandmother has been struggling very much, as well as the rest of the family. I find that just surrendering to God, and trusting that it was a part of His plan might help. We have also found a bunch of comfort in the family, and that helps too.
What I learned is to seek Jesus when bad things happen. Sometimes taking the blame can take the pressure from people, but it also digs a whole into the person taking the blame… often time leaving both with a huge barrier in front of them. God’s most cherish-able commandment is to love one another as we would love ourselves. Sometimes it takes a breather and then a calm talk that won’t escalate into a big blaming fest.
i can relate to this journal post. the ways we can to deal with a tragedy is turn it over to God. it may seem like a broken record but it made a huge differance in my life. i was told by a good friend to lean on God in your time of need. it was with my grandmas death with the family being pulled apart for 20 some years i only got 2 years with her before she died. some people will say dont you feel God cheated you? i say no i feel very blessed cause i was there when she need me.
sometimes we a badly hurt and we let other know how we feel by putting the blame on the other person. we may know it wasnt their fault but we do it anyway when our mind says you know thats not true. but we get in our minds no matter what its my way or no way. but in reality its Gods way is the best for us to go cause He is always there waiting for you to help you in our dark times. remembeer Him in the good and bad days we have.
Blaming others is habit-forming. Taking credit for your own mistakes is a good character trait and certainly is more honorable than blaming others. Praying to ask God to help you develop this character trait would be a good start.
I loved The Struggle. It is always easier to see from an outsiders view what other people should do but when it comes to our own lives we have a hard time. Look at the time Hannah wasted when she could have had the comfort of her husband and he from her. We just need to listen to God’s directions more which is easier said than done sometimes. Reading the Word daily lets us ponder our own feelings for the day. In every case of the novels the person has pulled away from that daily routine.
Wanda, You did it again. I never read a book till I have all of them. I read the Kentucky Brothers series in 7 days. I could not put them down. I cried for the first time reading your last book the Struggle when Marla found her mothers handkerchief and did not tell her father but kept it with her all the time. Then when she did tell him, I just lost it. Keep up the great work. God surely has given you a great gift. I will be going for my first Amish buggy ride next week when we go to Bird in Hand for the day. It is only 30 minutes from my house, so I live among a lot of Amish people. I love them dearly, and can see why you love to write about them. You keep writing, and I’ll keep reading.
The Struggle, when a terrible tragedy occurred, Hannah blamed her husband and was unwilling to forgive. In Hannah’s grief and anger, she and pulled away from Timothy, emotionally, as well as physically.This is so much like my marriage , except my Husband is a Hannah and im the Timothy. we lost our son 15 years ago to leukemia, and my son did not follow the drs orders and his short life has a lot to do with that he was 25. yet my husband blames me till this day. because he thinks i did something wrong during my pregnacy to cause him to get cancer when he was 11. i love all your books.
I pray that God will touch your husband’s heart and that he will come to know it wasn’t your fault. May God shower you with His blessings.