Wanda’s Journal

Forgiveness

In my upcoming novel, The Restoration, the third book of the Prairie State Friends series, Priscilla Herschberger finds herself pursued by Elam, a childhood friend from her community. David, an outsider, raised in the modern world, also takes an interest in Priscilla. Elam would do almost anything to convince Priscilla that David would never fit into the Amish way. When flames of jealousy rage out of control, Priscilla must decide if she will forgive the person who has hurtfully wronged her.

As the year 2016 begins, many people will make one or more New Year’s resolutions. For some, it might involve forgiveness. In Matthew 6:14 (NIV) it says: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Wouldn’t this New Year be a good opportunity to forgive someone who has hurt you by something they have said or done?

When we forgive those who have wronged us, our relationship is often strengthened, or a new friendship can take place. How has someone hurting you affected your life. If you forgave that person, how did it make you feel?

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78 Comments

  1. I find it very hard to forgive people who have done wrong to me. But I’ve found that if the don’t forgive, it eats away at my center. At the end of my first marriage, we were in the process of repairing our damages when he met someone else, and at that point he was done trying. I stewed in that hate for years, abut when I forgave him, I felt at peace.

  2. I read the Restoration and loved it. You write such wonderful books and I am a big fan of yours. Thanks for such wonderful Christian books!

  3. Forgiveness is definitely something I think we all have to work at. Keeping in mind how we are forgiven freely makes you stop and think. If we can be forgiven for all our wrong doings we must follow our leader and do the same. Not always as easy as it sounds.

  4. Just recently a situation occurred between a friend’s granddaughter and myself. Although trying to rectify that situation turned out negative, a mutual friend of this lady turned on me as well. She thought I insinuated that I would only remain friends with her as long as she gave up friendship with the other lady. I could tell that this was the case by the way she was acting to me after the initial situation with friend 1 and granddaughter. Since I never said anything of the kind, I confronted her tactfully in a conversation and explained my side of the situation and she then agreed to rethink her attitude. Since we have been friends for over 35 years I explained that it would be a sin to throw all that out the window, but I would deal with it if she did not change her mind concerning the situation. We are great friends to this day.

  5. We always have conflict where I work. It is very clear how hard it is to forgive someone you have been friends with for years. Some people find it almost imposible to forgive. If I find myself in that position I just try to make small talk and just start talking to the one I feel tension with. Even if an “I’m sorry” is not said the small jesture can smooth things over.

  6. At different times, I’ve had several who have hurt me and when I held onto the hurt it made me bitter, caused stress, lack of sleep, illness, etc. It was only when I truly forgave that I felt a release of those bonds. It was freeing!

  7. It can be difficult to forgive someone-especially if they were close to you. However, without forgiveness you cannot be truly happy. I have found that when I pray for someone who has wronged me it is easier to forgive them.

  8. Sometimes it just takes time. I’ve had a few conflicts over the years with family and friends. Things that I felt hurt over or injustice done to me. In all cases over time forgiveness was understood while not actually being said out loud.
    And maturity helps too. I am at peace with all.

  9. Forgiveness has to come from the heart. If you can forgive the person your heart will feel whole. I’ve forgiven someone I thought was a good friend but she’s the type of person who doesn’t forgive easy. Since I’ve forgiven her I feel better about myself.

  10. This has happened to me & is an on going process. It happened a year ago involving a family member. I feel we have made progress resolving our relationship due to prayer and better communication. Thanks for your wonderful stories. I met you at the LifeWay in Souderton,PA in 2014.

  11. Forgiveness came to me for my ex-husband over a two year period. After many years of verbal abse etc. God opened my eyes, opened doors and set me free! The Lord had said to me at my lowest point “Gloria, you can lay there & give up or get up & go on”. I chose to go on and He changed my whole life. Praise The Lord.

  12. My oldest sister and I do not see eye to eye. This summer she said something beyond hurtful. I told my Mom I was done and she’d never be my sister in my eyes again. Well as the year was coming to an end, I have tried to let things go. My mother also said it hurt her heart that we didn’t talk so I swallowed my pride and started texting her. It was very hard to forgive what she said as it was about when I was helping my Mom when my Dad was in the last 6 months of his life. But I am trying to just forgive and forget. I am getting there and I believe this year I will get over it. I am trying.

  13. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this past year. It kind of puts things in perspective. What might have been a major problem, whether with my husband or others, in the past, is now a minor inconvenience. I find that forgiveness is easier.

  14. We must also remember that if we do not forgive others our Heavenly Father will not forgive us.
    Years and years ago someone I worked with wronged me. It took me several years to forgive that person. I would avoid her, go out of my way not to meet her face to face. I decided it was really stupid that I was letting her take over my life and do things I did not want to do as I am a friendly person. I realized I must forgive her in order to be forgiven. We are now good friends.

  15. Forgiveness is often times hard to give. after reading Terri Roberts’ book,”Forgiven”, I am able to look at forgiveness in a different way. Here Terri was. The mother of the Amish school shooter (Lancaster County 2006). And, how the Amish people came to her family to offer forgiveness. This really opens your eyes. Makes me think. Forgiveness is not as hard as we make it seem. I can forgive.

  16. Where I work there is one person that isn’t very nice. I have chosen to forgive and rise above the petty behavior of the other person. It has helped my work environment to become more peaceful and productive.

  17. Sometimes forgiving and saying I’m sorry or Thank you are the hardest 3 things that people can say. I wasn’t taught any of those by my foster parents as they were being paid to take me and so none of those words came out of their mouths but forgiving is my word for 2016 and I have with my Jan 1st reading in my daily bible was the 1st thing i did this morning. The second was to tell my husband Thank you for today is our anniv and i wanted to thank him for being the friend that he is sometimes. He tends to think of only himself and does a few things that aren’t nice but i forgive him as that is how this morning started. By reading my daily bible readings help me so much to stay on track and I am far far from perfect but i try not to hurt peoples feeling and I always say thank you with a card so people know that it is legit and not some words out of my mouth. With that Wanda i thank you for all of your postive readings and sayings that you gave us for 2015 and will continue to follow you in 2016 to look for more guidance and scripture!

  18. Forgiveness of those closest to us is often the hardest thing to do. But I agree it is something that we/I must work at this coming year.
    This sounds like another wonderful story that is a must read.
    Thank you

  19. I always look forward to the next book after reading one. You have a gift of writing a good story.
    You are blessed to have a good supportive husband and family. Hope you have a good happy, healthy New Year.

  20. My husband has been far from perfect and I have had to forgive. How am I going to be a Christian witness if I harbor grudges?

  21. Forgiveness is hard but it can be done and it does strengthened the relationship..And it would be a good start to the new year. Also your books that your talking about sound like such great reading I would love to read them one day..

  22. I agree forgiveness is hard to do. Sometimes you can forgive but you can not forget. I am trying hard to do that with a friend of mine.

  23. Forgiveness is not always easy to do. Your New Year’s possible resolution of forgiving someone is a very good idea. I will have to consider that and it is a very good way to start the year. I love reading your books so much. I grew up in Western New York where there are many Amish. Books on the Amish are my favorite to read. Your new book sounds great. Being low on money, I have not have the please to read 1 and 2 yet in the series.

  24. Forgiveness can be very hard to do. I have been able to forgive many so far in my life, but there are still a few that my heart is not ready to forgive. Maybe someday, but not yet.

  25. i’m looking forward to reading the restoration in february. forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. but, i have forgiven people who have hurt me greatly in the past, and i think it’s made me a better person.

  26. Forgiveness is a vital part of walking out our faith. Proverbs says it is to our own glory to overlook an offense. I love the song Forgiveness by Matthew West and the line that says “the prisoner that it really frees is you”.

  27. I just found out that I very likely have MS. My resolution is to let God hold my hand while I face what challenges lie ahead instead of worrying about it so much. I have a spinal tap on wednesday that scares me a bit. While there are more questions than answers at this point, I’m working on not saying why me for I know the Lord did not give me this.

  28. I agree, the New Year is a good time to forgive someone who has hurt you. Just think how much happier we would all be if everyone was able to forgive. But is is very hard to do sometimes, depending on what has happened.

  29. It is often hard to forgive family members than it is to forgive others. I guess because you feel that as family you should never have to have the occasion to forgive a family member. I guess we put them on a higher pedestal and why do we do that. They too are only human just like the others in our life. We just need to live by the Bible and not by our feelings or the pedestals that we put in our life.

  30. I have found it in my experience that forgivness isn’t possible without the Lord’s help. I had to forgive the man who was responsible for my husbands accident and death.It took me awhile but with God’s help I was able to put it behind me and eventually became friends again. Forgiveness doesn’t say that what they did was ok,it just means you are not allowing it to make you bitter and unhappy. Also if you pray for the person who has wronged you, pretty soon if you keep doing it,your heart will change.

  31. I was hurt by a friend a couple of years ago. I did forgive her but she has not let go of whatever she perceived as a wrong from me. She won’t speak to me and what is worse we go to the same church so i see her often. I have given this issue totally to God because only He can heal her heart. I truly pity folks that cannot forgive. I do know it can be difficult but holding on to that grudge and having an unforgiving spirit is so much worse.

  32. I always try not to hold a grudge. I try to keep everything on an even keel at all times. It really helps. Your book sounds great.

  33. I had a very hurtful situation a few years back… Wasn’t my doing but they turned on me. I chose to forgive rather than stew on it and I could then move on. The best decision I ever made. We have now come to a place where we can do things together again as friends. God really helped me out. Can’t wait for the final book in this series 🙂 Happy New Year

  34. Forgiveness isn’t easy for sure. I have had some really difficult things to get over in my life and I found that I could not truly be happy while holding on to grudges and bad feelings. I have found giving my hurts to God and forgiving those that have offended or hurt me is the only way for me to be truly happy and to move on in my life. Love reading your books! Can’t wait to read your upcoming books!

  35. I had someone I love dearly break my heart.It was a person I never thought would .It devastated me.I didn’t think I would ever forgive this person but it was only hurting me and my relationship with God.With God I fully forgave this person and I feel so much better.I love your books Wanda and you are such an inspiration to me.Thanks…

  36. When you are wronged, it is really difficult to forgive. But what I find hardest is to forget. When someone has wronged me, I approach that person with caution and have limited dealings with them.

  37. I have to be quite honest, I have struggled with forgiveness in one aspect of my life for about 18 years now. This coming April will be 18 years since my former husband left our 4 children and me. I have forgiven him for the emotional, psychological and physical hurt that I suffered during our 13 year marriage, however, I’ve not been able to forgive him for how he has turned his back on his children. I’ve also struggled with forgiving the woman that he had an affair with who also mothered his 5th child. It’s probably not even my place to attempt to forgive him for turning his back on our children, but they have, over the years, attempted to lay a guilt trip on me. I can forgive them when they get upset at me, and I believe in the big picture they’re upset at him. Struggles can wear you down. Hopefully 2016 will be a year of forgiveness for me! Please pray for me.

  38. My mother-in-law didn’t like me. She didn’t know me and from the start she took an attitude. I forgave her over and over, but it did no good she became worse and worse. Her constant lies about me where unbearable and unforgivable. My husband new about it, his response “That’s just Mama” or “If my Father was alive she wouldn’t do this.”. I took all of this to mean she had a long history of doing this. Every time I did forgive her and she continued to do this it hurt more and more. I’m not the type of person to be bulled but to keep peace in the family I keep my mouth shut. My husband past away a few years ago, my mother-in-law continues to this day with her lies. Some times those who hurt us aren’t good people, they’re just plan out and out bullies and w e aren’t the only people they’re doing this too.

  39. I have an issue with a family member and I tried to reach out and explain I wasn’t mad but would like to talk and that person never returns my phone calls. So I just pray for that family member.

  40. I enjoy reading your books. They are always uplifting and encouraging. Forgiveness has lifted my heart many times. It’s not easy sometimes but it releases me from disappointment and struggles.

  41. I forgave my parents for drinking too much and fighting with each other in front of us. They had adult issues that as a child, I did not understand, but it was still frightening to see. I realized that I could make other choices once I was old enough to be on my own.

  42. Dearest Wanda,

    Thank you for such wonderful words on forgiveness. You have touched my heart today as I am going through an extremely tough time with my son. You are the BEST!!! Much peace, love and happiness to you in this new year. Many blessings for your continuing success as one of our most beloved authors!

  43. I love forgiveness, but it is really hard to do. I try to forgive others, sometimes I fail, but when I succeed, I feel wonderful inside!!!

  44. I agree with Sharon, forgiveness is the best gift we can give ourselves…and our loved ones. When we forgive another person, it improves and sweetens EVERY relationship in our life. It also allows God to work in our heart in ways that were previously blocked by our unforgiving attitude.

  45. In 2015, that is what I did with my family. I told my sister and brothers i was sorry for any wrongs or slights I had done to them. This year I tried very hard to show them. One of my brothers has not forgiven me. Yet I’m still working on it. This year to be a better me. I finally found a home church, I became a member tonight. I will be attending many of their womens groups. Joined the YMCA for the first time. Right now life is good.

  46. I am looking forward to reading this new book. Forgiveness is often very difficult. After being estranged from my daughter for many years, and being deeply hurt, I received a call from her in November of this year. God had worked a miracle. She called asking forgiveness and it broke my heart. I have missed her terribly. She invited me to come spend time together with her family. I did and the reunion was sweet. God does abundantly more than I could ever imagine.

  47. Happy New Year!
    Boy, in all honesty forgiveness can be a somewhat tough thing for me to do depending on the situation. I have found that the closer the relationship and/or friendship the more hurt there is which in turn makes forgiveness hard to give. I truly am working hard on becoming more forgiving and I think I’ve come a long way from where I was 10 years ago. I had been married for 10 years and for the last half of the marriage my husband became very violent and verbally and physically abusive. He also hurt my children and that was the hardest thing ever as a mom to find out. We divorced but he still was very irrational and a very unstable scary person.

    My middle child passed away due to cancer when she was just 17yrs old and when I called him (he had been kept up to date through everything by my mom) to ask for help with the memorial expenses he replied “just dig a hole and throw her in it”. I was so hurt and angry at him for that. I felt like he had just physically hit me again when those awful words came out of his mouth, I couldn’t even catch my breathe.
    It has taken me a long time to let go of the anger and the bitterness I have felt towards him. I have really tried to just hand it over to the Lord and not carry that burden and heavy heart anymore…I think I’m about 85 to 90% there. It’s extremely hard but I know that at some point he will have to stand before the Lord and be judged and held accountable for all of his actions and I do need to forgive him but it sure is a very hard thing to do. I know though the Lord isn’t done with me yet and I’m excited to see what He has in store for me this coming year!

    I apologize for such a long post. I love your books and I have been slowly building my Kindle library with them! I’m on a limited budget so I have to wait until they go on sale but I’m getting them bit by bit! I want to make sure I’m reading them in the correct order, is the order that they are listed on your books page also in the same order that they should be read?

  48. Thank you for your blog on forgiveness. I know I have carried a lot of hurt in my heart and only recently learned to forgive and I feel like a light has shone in my heart! I feel so much better!

  49. I have read all your books. When I read the first book in a series, when the second book comes out I often go back and read the first book again. Thanks for continuing to wire such great books.

  50. It is VERY hard to forgive someone who has wronged you. Most people carry around a lot of hurt and anger from people who have wronged them. Me myself have forgiven only to get burned again so I have an especially hard time in forgiving. It hurts the most when it is family. I just love your books!! Thank you for sharing your writing gift with us.

  51. Wanda I enjoy reading your books. Can not wait until the new ones come out. Have had lot of thing happen to me. But reading your books has helped me so much. Thank you for sharing thing about the Amish world. I used to live in “Amish Country”, but your books have helped me to an understanding of their life style. So now I have a better. For my new year I am to try learn how to stand up on my own two feet and act better and not people try to run my life. Thanks again for your books. I have been to get autogrph of yours, I am collect your books. I have read all of them until the new ones come out. But I have none signed yet. I am handicap and it hard for me to go to one of your signing.

  52. I enjoyed your entry on forgiveness. Forgiving is freedom – freedom from hurt, freedom from bitterness, freedom from the ache deep in the heart.

  53. I am struggling with forgiving a friend who borrowed my van, and then got it towed. He did not realize it for days and then did not want to tell me. Then he asked me to let him handle getting it back for me. Ultimately it is now going to cost me about $2k to get my van. It has my walker inside – I mostly use my cane but still. If I do not pay the rising every day cost to get it soon, they will auction it off, I will still owe, and my license will be suspended.
    I am frustrated and trying to let it go, it is just hard because I am still trying to resolve the issue. I know it was not his fault. I know it was his neighbor playing out some petty game. I am just really stuck right now. I know that when I am finally able to let it go, I will be able to really breathe.

  54. Happy, Healthy New Year to you and yours!

    Your new novel sounds wonderful and I look forward to reading it as soon as possible. Forgiveness is a difficult struggle for so many of us but. without the ability to forgive we are left with an internal struggle that surely weighs on our soul and body. We all need the freedom of a happy heart which we feel when we have fo forgiveness!

  55. It weird that you talk about forgiveness this month it has been a hot topic at work since the new year.
    I’m sure this book will hit home for alot of your readers as most do. We can forgive but the hardest thing is we are not made to forget so sometime that gets in the way of the forgiveness so its can be a constant struggle for some.

  56. Forgiveness is hard, but necessary. The bible tells us that we should forgive. I know it eats away at you to NOT forgive…you stew over it daily and your life is miserable! I finally forgave one of my brothers for something that happened in our childhood, I think it freed us both, and when I finally forgave him, he accepted the Lord. Mercy was shone and we moved on. Now we can both smile and reminiscence about being kids without even thinking of the hurt.

  57. Forgiveness is hard but we must forgive when we’ve been hurt or wronged. Jesus forgives us when we sin against Him. He instructed us to forgive those that offend us. God’s mercy and grace must be shown by us to those who offend us. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.

  58. I have found it sometimes very difficult to forgive someone, especially if that type of spiteful behavior has not stopped, but continued to bring pain and discord to my life. But what I have learned is that, my Father wants me to forgive, really He does. When I do so, I am able to more clearly see that the love He has for us is greater than the pain I felt. The weight of forgiveness lessens and the weight of hearts ease fills the deficit there, in me. It seems an amazing thing to grow from pain, but I’ve learned you do, and the growth fills up the space in your heart where pain once resided. I sometimes think without the pain, my heart would stay stony and hard, and only by the lessons of learning can it grow fresh and new. I don’t relish pain and suffering from someone’s hand, but in this very common life of mine it has helped me to believe in the reconciliation ministry we are gifted with. The other person does not have to know the blessing they have gifted me with, but it is real nonetheless, and I can look on them, and what they have done, and not hurt continually because of it. It is a very freeing thing when reconciliation heals the chasm between God and me, and me and others.

  59. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Prairie State Friends series. I just finished the last book of the set, THE RESTORATION. Without a doubt, the hardest thing to do is to forgive particularly when not only is it hurtful but also damages credibility and character. As this novel portrays, the two Amish people admit to their wrongdoing. If a person does not own their wrongdoing, then it is even more difficult to forgive. In the long run though, the person that forgives and moves on is stronger than those who will not own up to what they have done. There are many day to day lessons in your novels that apply to all of us. I totally enjoy the thought of making my life, “simpler and easier.” I particularly liked your quote from Matthew 6:14. Thank you.

  60. I loved The Restoration… I read it in 2 days. Couldn’t put it down. Of course I love all your books. Will there be a continuation of this series? I hope so. Keep up the good work.

  61. I read this and it was wonderful! I also just read The English Son and very much enjoyed it. Can’t wait to recieve the next one in april. I always preorder the books they are so interesting. Very talented writer! Keep writing your wonderful books Wanda and we will keep enjoying reading!

  62. I love that the Amish are so forgiving I love their simple lifes, fascinated by them, love reading your books about the Amish and other Amish writers I have other sisters that also love your books and others who write the Amish books, I am actually reading On her own by you, and until I love again Jerry S Eicher